


...lived in these unprecedented/uncertain/pivotal times

by lnles



Category: Never Have I Ever (TV)
Genre: Chatlogs, Diary/Journal, Embedded Images, Experimental Style, F/M, Gen, Historical Trivia, Zoom Meetings, about how bored high school kids must be right now, bibeo gamez, brief mention of Lord Byron and his crimes, canon-typical profanity & sniping at each other & acknowledgments of teenage sexuality, chaos in the virtual space, depressing meals prepared by teenagers, email, especially the serious nerds, facts about early cinema, grief but humor, hollywood coding, homemade memes, improbable technological advancements pioneered by high school students, kind of old but honestly perennial memes, like our heroes here, loneliness but also companionship, mediocre powerpoint slides, never really thought until now, oblique references to masturbation, pasta-based confusion, spoilers for Middlemarch, the eternal human condition, the existential torment of teachers using online meeting software, wall to wall historical trivia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-09-02
Packaged: 2021-03-04 17:40:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25150276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lnles/pseuds/lnles
Summary: With the world descending into chaos and life moved online, the students of Sherman Oaks High School have to adjust to existence mediated through Zoom.AKA staying up way past their bedtimes, watching movies, playing video games, and goofing off while their parents and teachers are tearing their hair out.With all this going on, Devi struggles with how to be honest about who she's dating, Ben struggles with how to be the boyfriend of somebody he actually likes, and everybody else struggles with the secondhand embarrassment of watching this happen.
Relationships: Ben Gross & Devi Vishwakumar, Ben Gross/Devi Vishwakumar, Devi Vishwakumar & Nalini Vishwakumar, Eve (Never Have I Ever)/Fabiola Torres, Fabiola Torres & Devi Vishwakumar & Eleanor Wong, Paxton Hall-Yoshida & Devi Vishwakumar, Paxton Hall-Yoshida & Rebecca Hall-Yoshida, Rebecca Hall-Yoshida & Devi Vishwakumar
Comments: 169
Kudos: 151





	1. ...stayed up past 4am on a school night

**Author's Note:**

> gosh what fun it is to write actual teenagers instead of the frankensteinian adult-children of Riverdale

10:35 PM Devi said:

sorry i can’t use my mic. my mom has like super-hearing and she’ll have a fit if i’m up late on a school night

10:35 PM Ben said:

are we really calling tomorrow school? i feel like we’re mainly going to be learning exactly how tech-incompetent mr shapiro is

10:36 PM Devi said:

it’s very, we already know that

remember the 9/11 powerpoint?

10:36 PM Ben said:

oof i try not to.

but now i can’t stop thinking about it

when he searched “bush video” and got a bunch of ancient music videos

when he couldn’t figure out how to close his antivirus and started a deep scan

when he left the youtube queue on autoplay and got ten minutes into that truther doc before noticing

10:37 PM Devi said:

hey i’m convinced now

inside job

who were those Israeli guys with the van

10:37 PM Ben said:

wow anti-semitic much

10:37 PM Devi said:

come to think of it where were you on 9/11

10:38 PM Ben said:

NOT BORN

10:38 PM Devi said:

lol

10:40 PM Ben said:

okay so i have this crazy idea

i know you can’t turn on your mic but

10:40 PM Devi said:

uh oh

10:40 PM Ben said:

what if we turned on our cameras

10:41 PM Ben said:

we don’t have to sorry

10:42 PM Ben said:

sorry

10:43 PM Devi said:

no no don’t be sorry

i got up for a second

let's do it

10:43 PM Ben said:

whew okay way to stress a guy out David

3

10:44 PM Ben said:

2

1

go

10:45 PM Devi said:

wow

10:45 PM Ben said:

wow

10:45 PM Devi said:

i thought you were making up being jacked

10:45 PM Ben said:

you’re really pretty

10:47 PM Ben said:

awkward

10:48 PM Devi said:

why aren’t you wearing a shirt

10:48 PM Ben said:

I was just swimming before this

forgot to put one on

10:48 PM Devi said:

uh huh

10:49 PM Ben said:

speaking of which you’re pretty

dressed up

dressed up for this late in the evening

i hit enter too soon

10:50 PM Devi said:

i’m always ready for an evening out

i have a packed social calendar in fact

unlike the loneliest boy in the world

10:50 PM Ben said:

sure sure i figured you for the underground anti-quarantine party scene

where’s the coolest place to be tonight

10:51 PM Devi said:

actually i’m having a huge rager here

right now

you’re invited

we’re going to watch

10:52 PM Devi said:

did we decide what to watch

not rick and morty

10:52 PM Ben said:

aw

10:52 PM Devi said:

i’m not interested in hanging out with pedos online or at pizza restaurants

10:53 PM Ben said:

that happened one time

and he wouldn’t be a pedo if he was after someone our age

we’re pubescent

so i believe he would be an ephebophile

10:54 PM Devi said:

ah yes the taxonomy of perverts

it makes sense that you’re an expert

10:54 PM Ben said:

say whatever you want

even over zoom i can see where you’re looking

don’t throw pervert stones if you’re going to perv David

10:55 PM Devi said:

i’m being zoom-menaced by a half-naked guy and you think i should be looking like over your shoulder?

but seriously

what are we watching

10:56 PM Ben said:

let me pull up my letterboxd

10:56 PM Devi said:

you’re on letterboxd?

i thought that was for post-secondary douchebags only

10:56 PM Ben said:

it’s important i keep up on good film

my dad lets me go to festivals with him sometimes

i actually met Trey Edward Shults there last year

10:57 PM Devi said:

whoosh

that’s the sound of your name-dropping flopping

because i don’t even know who that is

and don’t tell me

10:57 PM Ben said:

he’s on his third feature

serious artist

10:58 PM Devi said:

I said don’t tell me

have you seen titanic?

10:58 PM Ben said:

no

because it’s a sappy romance movie isn’t it

my dad says james cameron is a hack

they’re still friends though

10:59 PM Devi said:

so we’re watching titanic

unless you have something better

kamala really likes it

she says it’s even more romantic than riverdale 

(jk)

10:59 PM Ben said:

please

nothing could be more romantic than that Bughead musical number in the Heathers episode

11:00 PM Devi said:

omfg seventeen???

can’t we be seventeeeeeen

is that so hard to dooooooooo

11:00 PM Ben said:

if you could let me iiiiiiiiiin

i could be good with yoooooooooooooooooou

lol

11:01 PM Devi said:

so bughead huh

that’s your jam

11:01 PM Ben said:

obviously

they’re the superior match

everybody says archie’s hot but is there really anything hotter than a well-honed intellect

betty and jughead are each other’s intellectual equals

and they like hanging out with each other

and they push each other to get better

(at catching serial killers)

11:02 PM Devi said:

well you’re lucky i feel the same way

11:02 PM Ben said:

as any thinking person would

11:03 PM Devi said:

so titanic or riverdale reruns i guess

11:03 PM Ben said:

we can watch titanic

i don’t want you to lose your place in riverdale

11:04 PM Devi said:

don’t worry

i’m caught up

11:05 PM Ben said:

looks like you can only rent it on amazon

give me a sec

11:05 PM Devi said:

dude you don’t have to venmo me for the movie

i can cover it

11:06 PM Ben said:

i mean

i just thought i should

11:06 PM Devi said:

why

11:07 PM Ben said:

because

11:07 PM Devi said:

why

11:08 PM Ben said:

because

11:08 PM Devi said:

WHY

11:09 PM Ben said:

because if we were going out to the movies i would pay

11:09 PM Devi said:

why’s that

because you’re rich?

11:10 PM Ben said:

it’s polite

to pay

for the girl

on a date

11:10 PM Devi said:

is that so

do we live in the 1910s

11:11 PM Ben said:

no but we live in a time where i want to be nice to you

11:11 PM Devi said:

nice?

to the unfuckable nerd?

11:12 PM Ben said:

okay i have said i was sorry

11:12 PM Devi said:

hmmm

11:13 PM Ben said:

okay how about this

11:13 PM Unfuckable Nerd said:

i’ll wear the hat of shame from now on

11:14 PM Devi said:

lol nice try but i’m the host of this meeting

i make the rules around here

11:14 PM Unforgivable Numbskull said:

what

oh

okay

how about

11:15 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

this?

compromise?

11:15 PM David said:

gross

i like it

good compromise

11:16 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

:)

11:16 PM David said:

you don’t have to send me a smiley

i can see your face

:)

11:17 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

:)

<3

11:17 PM David said:

okay okay let’s get this movie underway

it’s getting too sappy in here

11:18 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

as if this movie is going to make it any less sappy

11:18 PM David said:

i’m at 00:00

11:19 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

0:00:00 actually

11:19 PM David said:

pedant

counting down

3

11:20 PM David said:

2

1

sink!

11:20 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

sunk

wait how long is this movie

11:21 PM Ungulate Nudes said:

oh my god

11:22 PM David said: 

strap in kiddo

we’re in for the long haul

[...]

2:50 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

oh my god

it’s still going

2:51 AM Dorkvid said:

it’s almost done…

i think…

2:51 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

it looks chilly

2:52 AM Dorkvid said:

YOU look chilly

2:52 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

hence the name

if only there were someone else around…

if only i had somebody warm to snuggle…

if only i weren’t the loneliest boy in the world…

2:53 AM Dorkvid said:

yeah…

it’s too bad…

i know somebody who’d be interested

2:53 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

yeah?

2:54 AM Dorkvid said:

yeah

her name is dave actually

2:54 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

oh weird

i actually know a girl named dave too

2:55 AM Dorkvid said:

wild

that’s really wild

2:55 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

but if dave’s not around i guess i should like put on a shirt or something

2:56 AM Dorkvid said:

nah

no

you should wait it out

in case dave shows up

2:57 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

you really think dave is interested

2:57 AM Dorkvid said:

oh definitely

dave knows what she wants

sometimes

okay she gets confused a lot

but she’s worked this out

2:58 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

really knows how to fill a guy with confidence huh

2:58 AM Dorkvid said:

trust me 

you don’t have anything to worry about when it comes to dave

i have it on good authority she’s thinking about you a lot

like all the time

2:59 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

that’s actually really nice to hear

can you tell dave i’m thinking about her a lot too

not a creepy amount

but close to that

3:00 AM Dorkvid said:

dave like really wishes this quarantine thing would wrap up

because she misses all her friends obvs

3:00 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

totally

3:01 AM Dorkvid said:

also because she misses you specifically

and she has some follow-up research she needs to explore with your help

3:01 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

on what project

3:02 AM Dorkvid said:

she says it’s the one you guys started working on in Malibu

3:02 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

oh

yeah that one is super urgent

super duper urgent

3:03 AM Dorkvid said:

<3

3:03 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

<3

oh shit

3:04 AM Dorkvid said:

what 

what

3:04 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

I think Leo just died?

like he slid off that piece of wood

and now she’s crying?

3:05 AM Dorkvid said:

oh shit i wasn’t paying attention

3:05 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

me neither

should we go back

3:06 AM Dorkvid said:

and make the movie even longer???

3:06 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

good point

we’ll have to make the best of it

3:07 AM Dorkvid said:

rip Leo

3:07 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

rest in chilly pieces

3:09 AM Dorkvid said:

wait is she dead now

or just dreaming

3:09 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

definitely dead

3:10 AM Dorkvid said:

rip Kate

3:10 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

rose in pieces

3:16 AM Dorkvid said:

wow

that was like

the longest movie ever

3:16 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

wow yeah

is that

yep

3:17 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

there in the distance

i see it

3:17 AM Dorkvid said:

what

3:18 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

what light through yonder window breaks

it is the east

and you David are the sun

3:18 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

i mean

i think it’s already dawn

3:19 AM Dorkvid said:

no way

3:19 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

okay no

i just wanted to drop the shakespeare

3:20 AM Dorkvid said:

AP English Lit here you come

3:20 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

if there’s even still tests by junior year....

3:21 AM Dorkvid said:

don’t remind me!!!!

3:21 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

sorry

gotta keep it light

fresh

fun

not awkward

3:22 AM Dorkvid said:

i mean

i had fun

great visuals

3:23 AM Dorkvid said:

winky face

3:23 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

now who’s being redundant

i can see you winking

3:24 AM Dorkvid said:

just didn’t want there to be any ambiguity

3:24 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

no

no room for nuance here

3:25 AM Dorkvid said:

mmm no

nuance gtfo

3:25 AM Uncontrollable Nips said:

so uh

thanks

for doing this

3:26 AM Dorkvid said:

wait

3:26 AM Ben said:

waiting

oh

i see it

3:27 AM Devi said:

couldn’t take you seriously

3:27 AM Ben said:

so what i meant was

this was really fun

and really nice

and so

3:28 AM Ben said:

thanks for agreeing to it

3:28 AM Devi said:

thanks for showing up

and for being like really fun for once

3:29 AM Ben said:

just this once

tomorrow it’s back to normal

3:29 AM Devi said:

back to normal

3:30 AM Ben said:

show up to history tomorrow and tell shapiro i can’t even bear to be in a room with you

not that we’ll actually be in a room together but the principle stands

3:30 AM Devi said:

likewise

can’t live with having to stare at your stupid face in the zoom window for hours on end

horrible

3:31 AM Ben said:

awful

3:31 AM Devi said:

then we’re in agreement

3:32 AM Ben said: 

absolutely

3:32 AM Devi said:

same time next week?

3:33 AM Ben said:

of course

one request though

3:33 AM Devi said:

k

3:34 AM Ben said:

shorter movie?

3:34 AM Devi said:

YES

3:35 AM Ben said:

whew okay

see you tomorrow

3:35 AM Devi said:

see ya

3:38 AM Ben said:

you have to end the meeting

3:38 AM Devi said:

you could get off

the meeting

first

i mean

3:39 AM Ben said:

why don’t you just close the meeting

3:39 AM Devi said:

why don’t you just leave

3:40 AM Ben said:

why don’t you

3:40 AM Devi said:

i don’t know, why don’t you

3:43 AM Ben said:

for real

3:43 AM Devi said:

you first

3:44 AM Ben said:

no you

3:44 AM Devi said:

no

3:46 AM Ben said:

we’re at an impasse it seems

3:46 AM Devi said:

no you’re just too stubborn to hang up

3:47 AM Ben said:

you hold all the power here

you’re the meeting host

3:47 AM Devi said:

what if we count down to three and leave at the same time

3:48 AM Ben said:

okay let’s do it

3:48 Devi said:

okay

3:49 AM Devi said:

3

2

wait

3:50 AM Ben said:

what

3:50 AM Devi said:

i want to turn on my mic for a second

3:51 AM Ben said:

you sure?

3:51 AM Devi said:

yeah

3:52 AM Ben said:

let’s do it

[...]

4:03 AM Ben said:

it was really nice to hear your voice again

4:04 AM Devi said:

yeah it really was

nice to talk to someone who wasn’t my blood relative too

4:04 AM Ben said:

okay for real see you tomorrow

4:05 AM Devi said:

okay see you then

4:06 AM Devi said:

<3

4:06 AM Ben said:

<3

good night/morning

4:07 AM Devi said:

good night

:)

4:07 AM Ben said:

I can literally still see you

4:08 AM Devi said:

not anymore!

[meeting terminated]


	2. ...fallen asleep in class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes an author can have a little bit of contrivance in order to suit the formal and rhetorical goals of their writing. As a treat.

**import** Scripty.py

history_class_032320 **=** Scripty()

history_class_032320.speakerList(history_roster_names_voices.mp4)

history_class_032320.read(history_class_zoom_01.mp4)

history_class_032320.write()

[Output: history_class_032320.txt]

history_class_032320.displayText()

* * *

Mr. Shapiro: our new transcription czar, Fabiola! We’re lucky she was already working on a topical science fair project: a transcribing robot. Are you recording already? That’s what it is, right?

[Output: Enthusiastic announcement to whispered parenthetical]

_#Scripty recognizes and displays speech volume! They’re so smart already!_

Fabiola: I just started it, but it’s not really what you’d call a robot. Scripty is a listening software that recognizes and records human speech and other sounds, and then reproduces them as text, with tone labelling and emotional notes, kind of a script in reverse. The goal is for it to work kind of like a neural network, observing speech and learning new feelings and modes of communication. We’re still in Beta, though, and-

[Output: Nervous, a little defensive, slightly less than audible]

_#My creation’s turned on me already_

_#I miss Gears Brosnan, he would never_

Mr. Shapiro: O! Kay! That’s really as much detail as we need in a Humanities class. Fabiola and her robot are going to provide us with same-day transcripts and make our remote classes extra accessible. I would call that very fire. Let’s have a round of applause for them!

[Output: Enthusiastic]

_#not sure how to teach Scripty to recognize whatever you call Mr. Shapiro trying to be relatable_

_#failed slang?_

_#feigned hipness?_

_#more research necessary_

_#but in linguistics or psychology…?_

Multiple Speakers: [unintelligible]

[Output: Weak applause]

_#So proud of Scripty! Able to detect enthusiasm (or lack thereof :/…)_

_#Hope they didn’t hurt Scripty’s feelings_

_#What if Scripty attains sentience someday and wants revenge!_

_#Maybe I should warn Mr. Shapiro_

Mr. Shapiro: Now I’m going to keep it one hundred with you guys.

[Output: Total sincerity]

_#Never mind_

Trent: As in you’re giving us all a 100 and ending class early?

[Output: Genuinely hopeful]

Mr. Shapiro: No, although I love that you ask that every time, Trent. Never give up on your dreams! But no. I’m going to keep it one hundred with you guys and be honest. It’s hard to think about history when we’re living through it. So I’ve adjusted the syllabus a little, and we’ve got a new direction- Oh, there’s a little thing on my screen. It says- oh, it says you’re raising your hand, Ben! And now I see in your little picture that you’re raising your hand in real life too. Lay it on me, buddy.

[Output: Enthusiasm to mild confusion back to enthusiasm]

_#Does it make him tired to go through so many feelings back to back_

_#It makes me tired to watch him do it_

Ben: Is this going to be an uncomfortable project about the 1918 Flu Pandemic?

[Output: Smarmy]

_#You can say that again, Scripty_

Mr. Shapiro: No, and I’m honestly a little hurt you’d think I’d put together something so insensitive.

[Output: More than a little hurt]

_#Who taught Scripty to throw shade like that_

_#Need to review source code_

_#Probably Brian’s fault somehow_

Devi: You had us make up apps about the Holocaust.

[Output: The harsh tones of truth]

_#That did happen_

Mr. Shapiro: You were experiencing history as if it were happening right now!

[Output: Very hurt]

Devi: You just said history **is** happening right now.

[Output: Also smarmy]

_#That’s not fair_

Mr. Shapiro: It sure is. And I would be lying if I didn’t think the 1918 Flu Pandemic wasn’t a little **mood.**

[Output: Overweening self-assurance]

Multiple Speakers: [unintelligible]

[Output: Groans of despair]

_#Not sure if Scripty is detecting the fine difference between despair and disgust_

Mr. Shapiro: But it might be to our educational advantage to break with the mood a little. That’s why our next project is going to be about the fun and happy side of history!

[Output: Anxious backpedaling]

Eleanor: There are happy parts of history? I thought it went straight from _Titus Andronicus_ to _Richard III_.

[Output: Disbelief]

Mr. Shapiro: And better yet it’s going to be a group project!

[Output: Dangerous enthusiasm]

Multiple Speakers: [unintelligible]

[Output: Groans of despair]

_#Can’t argue with Scripty on this one_

Mr. Shapiro: Nothing too challenging. Just pick a partner and come in on Friday with one or two Powerpoint slides about a happy slice of the historical record. A real fun fact or two. Easy points to help us adjust to class online! And you’re raising your Zoom hand again, Ben. And your real hand. You know, just one at a time is fine.

[Output: Gamely suppressed irritation]

_#same_

Ben: Can I be partners with Devi?

[Output: Veiled desperation]

_#why tho_

_#I should rewatch the video, see what Scripty’s reading here_

Mr. Shapiro: Ben, I want to be tactful, so maybe I should answer your question in a breakout room. Now how do I-

[Output: Bumbling sincerity]

Fabiola: Mr. Shapiro, it’s a button on the bottom of your screen. It should be called Breakout Rooms. Maybe you want to let me have screen control? I could-

[Output: Rising terror]

_#Accurate_

Mr. Shapiro: Thank you, Fabiola, but I see it now. Let me just-

[Output: Unwarranted confidence]

Fabiola: Mr. Shapiro?

[Output: Concern]

Ben: Did he mute himself?

[Output: Disgust]

Paxton: He’s got a red mic symbol next to his name.

[Output: Casually observant in a hot way]

_#How does Scripty know about hotness_

_#What if Scripty likes guys_

_#What if we can’t relate_

Ben: Can he not hear us? I can see him talking.

[Output: *Disgust intensifies*]

_#Who taught Scripty memes_

_#Definitely Brian’s fault_

Devi: **Mr. Shapiro! You muted yourself!**

[Output: Desperate concern]

_#Bolding works okay for volume and emphasis changes_

_#But it's not perfect_

_#Maybe we should offload volume variation display to text size for the next iteration?_

Eleanor: I’ll dm him.

[Output: Resignation]

Ben: And he’s still going.

[Output: Derision]

Trent:  **Hey! Mr. S!**

[Output: Unself-conscious disruption]

_#not a feeling_

_#but an accurate description of Trent_

_#maybe Scripty is too good at reading people_

Devi: He’s not even noticing…

[Output: Dawning horror]

Fabiola: He made me the meeting co-host so I could record for Scripty. Maybe I can unmute him? Just a sec.

[Output: Heroic self-possession]

_#Thank you Scripty :)_

Mr. Shapiro: -right? So does that make sense, Ben?

[Output: Blithe unawareness]

Ben: Nope.

[Output: Blunt dismissal]

Paxton: You muted yourself.

[Output: Self-possessed and appealing observation]

_#What is it about this guy???_

_#What is people’s deal with him????_

Mr. Shapiro: Really? There’s so much more to this remote teaching business than meets the eye. I think I’ve got it now, though.

[Output: Real amazement shifting into foolish confidence]

Fabiola: If you share your screen with me, I could just do it for you.

[Output: Anguished attempt at intervention]

_#Not really a feeling either_

_#Though again accurate_

_#Brian seeded so many weird terms in here_

Mr. Shapiro: No worries, Fabiola, I have this on fleek. Let me just-

[Output: A picture taken moments before disaster]

_#and weird memes!_

[Meeting terminated]

_#not sure I should post this transcript to the class site with the tone/emote tags_

_#Scripty cuts pretty deep sometimes_

* * *

history_class_032320.closeText()

* * *

history_class_032320_02 **=** Scripty()

history_class_032320_02.speakerList(history_roster_names_voices.mp4)

_#I have a feeling I’m going to be reinitializing Scripty a lot for this class_

_#So maybe I should build in the speaker list somewhere higher up on the chain_

_#Required attribute to initialize Scripty at all?_

_#gotta think on it_

history_class_032320_02.read(history_class_zoom_02.mp4)

history_class_032320_02.write()

[Output: history_class_032320_02.txt]

history_class_032320_02.displayText()

* * *

Mr. Shapiro: Okay, everybody! Thanks for bearing with me there. Clearly it’s dangerous to interfere with the Zoom so, Ben, I’m just going to have to be blunt: you absolutely cannot be in a group with Devi.

[Output: Thudding finality]

Ben: What? Why not?

[Output: Indignation]

Mr. Shapiro: The two of you literally started a nuclear war. I’m holding this class together with my fingertips right now. We are going to have a lit week with some rad history, and I don’t want the rad here to mean radiation. Why don’t you pair up with Paxton?

[Output: Firm but gentle imperatives]

Ben: ehhhhhh

[Output: ???]

_#???_

Paxton: Cool.

[Output: Cool]

Mr. Shapiro: As for you, Devi, why don’t you pair up with Eleanor? Devi?

[Output: Gentle suggestion to mild concern]

Fabiola: Devi?

[Output: Mounting concern]

Ben: **Devi?**

[Output: Significant concern]

Eleanor:  **Devi!?**

[Output: Loud]

_#It really was_

_#Scripty’s lucky they weren’t wearing headphones at the time_

Devi: [unintelligible]

[Output: Snores]

Paxton: Sounds like she’s asleep, dude.

[Output: Handsome statement of the facts]

_#ugh_

Ben: I’m still awake…

[Output: Fond resentment]

_#That’s not a feeling people have_

_#Is it?_

Eleanor: What does that have to do with it?

[Output: Bafflement]

_#same_

Mr. Shapiro: You know, just like the rest of us, I’m sure Devi has a lot on her plate right now, so let’s just say she’ll be your partner, Eleanor, and move on. Anybody else need a partner?

[Output: Hopeful inquiry]

Fabiola: Eve, would you maybe want to be my partner?

[Output: Nervous mumble]

_#Ouch_

_#why didn’t I just DM her_

_#why am I even nervous? She's already my girlfriend_

Eve: Of course!

[Output: Sincere excitement]

_#:D_

Mr. Shapiro: Great. Anybody else? Okay, great. I’m going to call it here today, class. Take the extra time to start your research, talk out your plan with your partner, and get to it. We’ll come in tomorrow with lots of ideas and lots more experience with Zoom! How about it?

[Output: Teeth-grinding enthusiasm]

Multiple Speakers: [unintelligible]

[Output: Dull sounds of assent]

Mr. Shapiro: Then get to it, and I’ll see you on the flip side! Debra? Debra? Debra?

[Output: Enthusiasm declining precipitously into miserable cries for help]

_#This is a lot more editorializing than Scripty should be able to provide..._

Eleanor: Wait, Mr. Shapiro! You have to end the meeting! We can still hear you!

[Output: Fear]

Mr. Shapiro: Debra, I don’t know what happened out there today. Google Hangouts was never this hard…

[Output: Utter demoralization]

Ben: Mr. Shapiro!

[Output: Desperation]

Eve: Mr. Shapiro!

[Output: Desperation]

Paxton: Mr. Shapiro!

[Output: Hot desperation]

_#stopppp_

Trent: ** Mr. Shapiro! **

[Output: Loud]

Devi: zzzz-huh?

[Output: Startled post-nap haze]

Fabiola: Here, let me just-

[Output: Fearless command]

_#is Scripty sucking up to me_

[Meeting terminated]

_#Program needs refinement_

_#And a clean-up of the description phrases_

_#Shouldn’t have passed in so many episodes of Riverdale during Alpha_

* * *

history_class_032320_02.closeText()

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And you might ask yourself, will there be a reference to Riverdale in every chapter?  
> And you might ask yourself, does there need to be a reference to Riverdale in every chapter?  
> And I would refuse to answer.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. ...given a friend decent dating advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spent more time formatting this than i spent proofreading my ba thesis and i still couldn't get the image descriptions to work

Eleanor, Fabiola

Tuesday March 24th, 2020

3:30 PM Eleanor

Ok how about that story that’s always going around Tumblr about Franz Kafka and the little girl with the doll?

3:32 PM Me

Is that story even true?

Also Kafka is creepy

3:33 PM Eleanor

True

Well I’m officially out of ideas

Your turn

3:35 PM Me

That’s fair

Googling “heartwarming stories from history” now

3:40 PM Eleanor

Anything good yet?

3:40 PM Me

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50141285911/in/dateposted-public/)

3:41 PM Eleanor

Mmm I’m not loving any of these headlines even

3:42 PM Me

Nope

3:43 PM Eleanor

A LOT of war on there

Which is weird

3:44 PM Me

V weird

3:45 PM Eleanor

Maybe this isn’t going to be as easy as Mr. Shapiro said

3:46 PM Me

Or maybe we’re thinking about it the wrong way

Instead of searching for an already famous moment we could research what we’re interested in and find a fun story there?

3:50 PM Eleanor

Does that mean we can do something from theater history???

3:52 PM Me

Sure

3:55 PM Eleanor

Ok ok I’ve actually got lots of IDEAS then

3:56 PM Me

Lol I figured

3:57 PM Eleanor

Let me think about it for a bit and I’ll pitch you a good one

3:57 PM Me

Cool

7:30 PM Fabiola

So you guys haven’t come up with a story yet either?

7:32 PM Me

Definitely not

What about you and Eve?

7:34 PM Fabiola

We talked a little today but it’s hard to pick

Eve wants to do something from lesbian history but I’m scared if we do Mr. Shapiro’s going to say like “Sounds gay I’m in” in front of the whole class

7:36 PM Eleanor

Ooh a very real possibility

7:37 PM Me

Where does he even hear about stuff

Does he lurk in the halls listening for *teenspeak*

7:38 PM Fabiola

Presumably

Oh no! What if he runs out of hip slang because there’s no school?

7:39 PM Eleanor

Without in-person classes we’re all he has

7:40 PM Me

His only window into the zeitgeist!

What if he stops being *relatable*

7:45 PM Fabiola

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50141524877/in/dateposted-public/)

7:45 PM Eleanor

Stunning!

7:46 PM Me

Your bespoke memes are everything Fab

You do so much for us

7:48 PM Fabiola

I wouldn’t have gotten anywhere in this business without fans like you

8:22 PM Eleanor

Ready for my pitch Devi?

8:23 PM Me

Ready

8:24 PM Fabiola

Tell us!

8:27 PM Eleanor

Sarah Bernhardt starring in Hamlet in 1899. It’s a major feminist move, she cast herself and she controlled most of the production details, I think. Lots of critics hated on her for it, but she did it anyway

She’s an absolute icon

Plus there’s even clips from the movie version on YouTube

8:29 PM Me

That’s a good one!

Let’s do it

8:30 PM Fabiola

You guys are gonna rock that!

8:31 PM Eleanor

Queens of the stage just like Sarah!!

[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp_v_dP8s-8 ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp_v_dP8s-8)

This is the duel scene from her movie

8:33 PM Fabiola

I like the giant chicken

8:33 PM Me

Fab why do people move in superspeed in old movies

Are we just slower now because we spend all day hunched!! over devices!!

8:35 PM Eleanor

Is that a direct quote from your mom?

8:36 PM Me

My posture!! People will think I am an old witch by age 30!!

8:37 PM Fabiola

My mom says the same thing all the time

That isn’t why old movies look fast though

8:38 PM Me

My mom’ll be disappointed to hear that

8:41 PM Fabiola

The real reason has to do with the frame rate

Once they invented sound film, they made the standard frame rate 24 frames per second, which is to say 24 pictures appearing onscreen every second

People are more sensitive to out-of-sync sound than variation in movement speed so they had to keep the visual track aligned with the audio track

Older movies were shot in variable frame rates, and a lot of cameras were even hand-cranked, lowering the frame rate as the operator got tired

So when we play them at the sound standard they look extra fast

Basically

8:44 PM Me

Okay that was more complicated than I thought

You sound like Ben explaining his favorite geo-political strife

8:45 PM Fabiola

Gross

8:46 PM Eleanor

I’m pretty sure that’s who she means, yeah

8:47 PM Fabiola

No I meant like “bleh”

8:48 PM Me

Ben’s not so bad

I mean like compared to like every man ever

8:49 PM Eleanor

He did do you like a HUGE favor

Letting you live in his house

And driving you to Malibu

8:51 PM Me

Yeah…

He really is kind of nice…

And a little funny…

8:53 PM Eleanor

Mmhmm go on

8:53 PM Me

I’d rather not

8:54 PM Fabiola

I reserve the right to hate all men whatever their actions

8:56 PM Me

VALID

8:59 PM Fabiola

I wish history weren’t so stuffed with them

9:02 PM Me

There must be some cool lady/scientist/badass stories out there for you to present on

What about Hidden Figures

9:04 PM Fabiola

Hidden Figures is already a movie. We don’t need to present on it. Everybody already knows about them now.

Probably even Mr. Shapiro

9:06 PM Me

Does Mr. Shapiro know about movies?

9:09 PM Eleanor

Mr. Shapiro has DEFINITELY seen Hidden Figures

Think about it

Woke

History

Need I say more?

9:13 PM Me

Okay fair

What wouldn’t Mr. Shapiro know about

9:14 PM Fabiola

Besides how to use words and phrases invented after 1990

9:15 PM Eleanor

He’s already proven he doesn’t know about computers

9:16 PM Me

Why not go further back in time?

Like Ada Lovelace or something

9:18 PM Fabiola

That’s true

Though I’m not sure her life would be good for fun facts

I think she was addicted to gambling?

And her dad had a thing with his own sister?

9:20 PM Me

Aaaaaaaah

9:22 PM Eleanor

Problematic and not really a fave

9:24 PM Me

The more we learn about history the more it seems like everyone who ever lived kind of

Sucked?

9:25 PM Fabiola

Yes

9:26 PM Me

It’s a little bit of a relief

Takes some of the pressure off when any of us could be pivotal to world history

9:34 PM Eleanor

We could be the next Julius Caesar or Eleanor Roosevelt!

9:35 PM Me

Weird combo but sure

9:36 PM Eleanor

I went through a childhood phase where I was only interested in people who were also named Eleanor

I still remember a lot about Eleanor of Aquitaine too!

I’m trying to convince Mr. Schleicher to let us do The Lion in Winter next year

9:40 PM Me

Isn’t that play all about old people though

9:41 PM Fabiola

It’ll be a worthy test of your skill!

9:43 PM Eleanor

And staying home every day is sucking my life away

I’ll be ready to play 60 by next year

9:46 PM Me

Oof hard same

9:47 PM Fabiola

Yeah

9:48 PM Me

How are you guys doing?

I mean like with everything

9:50 PM Eleanor

It’s kind of a pain

My dad and Sharon are always trying to hang out with me

Like all day

It’s awkward

9:54 PM Fabiola

Yeah that’s how my parents have been too

And they made Hugo come home from school

We’re three days into a game of Monopoly and we’re nowhere near finished

I’m writing an app to help us calculate inflation and real estate price fluctuation as we play

Keeps the game exciting!

9:57 PM Me

I bet.

9:57 PM Eleanor

How about you Devi

This must be a lot of mom-on-one-time

9:58 PM Me

It is but she’s been surprisingly cool

She needed my help to set up Zoom for her patient calls

That felt pretty good lol

It’s kind of nice to have Kamala here too

Her professors are worse at online class than Mr. Shapiro

10:04 PM Eleanor

Impossible!

10:04 PM Fabiola

How???

10:05 PM Me

They’re

SO OLD

10:06 PM Fabiola

Oh no

10:06 PM Eleanor

Oof

10:15 PM Eleanor

Can I tell you guys something?

It’s stressing me out a little

10:18 PM Me

Of course!!

10:19 PM Fabiola

You can always tell us anything

10:22 PM Eleanor

My mom might be coming back

To stay with us

10:23 PM Fabiola

Whoa

10:24 PM Me

Whoa is right

So she would stay with you and your dad and Sharon?

10:27 PM Eleanor

Yeah.

10:30 PM Me

That sounds uncomfy

10:31 PM Fabiola

But I guess probably safer for her than staying alone in New York

10:35 PM Eleanor

I know.

But it’s going to be so awkward 😕 I haven’t talked to her since she left. She’s never even met Sharon in person, let alone lived with her. And my dad living with his wife AND his ex-wife is weird!!!!

I’m really nervous

10:36 PM Me

You’ll be okay!

10:37 PM Fabiola

Yeah! If it gets too weird you can come stay with me!

10:38 PM Me

Or with me!

10:39 PM Fabiola

Or with Ben lol

10:41 PM Me

The Doobie Brothers Suite is pretty lux

Though I’m still not clear what a Doobie Brother really is

10:42 PM Eleanor

Thank you 💗

It’s nice just to tell somebody

10:43 PM Me

It does help sometimes

Tell us how it goes if she really does come back

10:44 PM Eleanor

You’ll be the first to know

10:48 PM Fabiola

While we’re still in sisterly support mode, I have something that’s been bothering me too

10:49 PM Eleanor

Share!!

10:51 PM Fabiola

It’s more like an advice thing

I’m trying to figure out what to do with Eve now that we can’t go out on dates and stuff

What do you do with Oliver, Eleanor?

10:55 PM Eleanor

We talk a lot on the phone now

No kissing or anything in-person obviously which SUCKS

We’ve been working on a play together

But we’ve been dating for like a while so it’s different

You’re just starting getting to know Eve

10:57 PM Fabiola

Yeah I still barely know what to say 😕

10:58 PM Me

You guys should do something low-pressure together

Like do a Zoom and movie

That way you can talk but it’s chill

That’s just a thought though

Obviously I don’t know ANYTHING about like distance dating

Haha

11:05 PM Eleanor

Hmmmm

11:07 PM Fabiola

Oh my god Devi are you in a long-distance relationship??

Are you getting catfished???

11:08 PM Me

NO

11:09 PM Fabiola

Have they asked you about your mother’s maiden name?

11:10 PM Me

I’M NOT GETTING CATFISHED

11:12 PM Eleanor

You better not be lying to us

You remember what happened last time

11:13 PM Me

Of course!

I promise I’m not lying or anything

11:17 PM Me

I do have a...thing in the works but it’s not ready to share yet

It needs more…

11:18 PM Eleanor

Rehearsals?

11:18 PM Me

Time?

11:18 PM Fabiola

Beta testing?

11:19 PM Me

Whatever metaphor works for you

It’s just kind of confusing

Hard to explain

11:21 PM Fabiola

I know how that is

Just remember: you have to trust us so we can trust you!

11:22 PM Eleanor

Exactly!

11:25 PM Me

I do, don’t worry

I love you guys

11:26 PM Eleanor

We love you too

You’re our problematic fave

11:27 PM Me

Harsh but fair

11:29 PM Fabiola

The Zoom & a movie idea sounds pretty good too

I’ll ask Eve about it

Thanks 😀

11:31 PM Me

You’re going to have a great time

11:34 PM Eleanor

Why don’t we do something like that?

It doesn’t have to be a movie, but we could hang out one night a week

Like a virtual sleepover

11:34 PM Me

Okay!

I can’t do Wednesday or Sunday nights though

Prior engagements

11:36 PM Fabiola

I have science olympiad meetings on Wednesdays anyway

11:36 PM Me

Why not Tuesdays?

We just spent the whole night texting anyway

11:38 PM Eleanor

Tuesdays it is!

Now we have to decide what to do next week

11:39 PM Me

👍

11:40 PM Fabiola

👍

Wednesday March 25th, 2020

12:01 AM Me

[ https://www.buzzfeed.com/ralter/which-riverdale-character-should-be-your-valenti-dick?utm_term=.dxGbbMpxdw#.xt766ZAGLM ](https://www.buzzfeed.com/ralter/which-riverdale-character-should-be-your-valenti-dick?utm_term=.dxGbbMpxdw#.xt766ZAGLM)

I got Reggie

12:05 AM Eleanor

That actually makes sense

12:06 AM Fabiola

Reggie does look like if you blew Paxton up with a bicycle pump

12:07 AM Me

Wow I hate everything about that

12:09 AM Eleanor

I got Veronica

12:10 AM Me

I’m worried your styles would clash lol

Veronica doesn’t like to go big the way you do

12:11 AM Fabiola

I got Betty

Does that make me Jughead?

Ugh

12:12 AM Me

I hope not

Jughead is Ben’s favorite character and I know you don’t want that

Ben’s very invested in Bughead haha

12:14 AM Eleanor

When are you spending all this time talking to Ben about Riverdale

12:16 AM Fabiola

I have to do some serious self-examination

I’m not the Jughead of our friend group am I?

12:17 AM Me

Oh look at the time

I should be asleep

See you tomorrow/technically today!!

12:19 AM Eleanor

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50141285921/in/dateposted-public/)

12:22 AM Fabiola

I should warn Eve

Somewhere within me lurks a toxic hat-wearing jerk

How do I turn back the terrible tides of stupid

12:32 AM Me

It’s too late

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50140744978/in/dateposted-public/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed my half-assed photoshop work. To increase the realism, I spent exactly five minutes on that image just as Fabiola does in this story. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	4. ...played grand theft auto like literally ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't @ me about being so old that GTA still sounds like a relevant game for teens  
> i don't know what happens in fortnite and i refuse to ask

**Steam finished downloading** **_Grand Theft Auto V_ **

**CoyoteGurl** : now what

 **PaxCali** : is it downloaded?

 **CoyoteGurl** : yep

 **PaxCali** : start it up

 **PaxCali** : make sure you pick GTA Online from the start menu

 **PaxCali** : otherwise you’ll be stuck in single player

 **CoyoteGurl** : *i’m in*

 **PaxCali** : it’s going to look like it’s kicking you out but just hang on

 **CoyoteGurl** : one minute into this game and it’s already bullying me

 **PaxCali** : it’s gonna be worth it haha

 **PaxCali** : this first part’s just confusing

 **CoyoteGurl** : i have to pick my parents??

 **PaxCali** : it’s fun

 **CoyoteGurl** : there’s like no Indian people in these parents

 **PaxCali** : guess they thought Indian people don’t want to commit crimes

 **CoyoteGurl** : that’s straight racist. i’d love to commit crimes

 **PaxCali** : lol you would

 **CoyoteGurl** : i’m literally playing this game to commit some crimes

 **CoyoteGurl** : okay okay i’m picking my outfit

 **CoyoteGurl** : are there any non-male gaze outfits

 **CoyoteGurl** : i look like Dark Betty

 **PaxCali** : try the casual section

 **PaxCali** : rebecca always complains about the clothes too

 **CoyoteGurl** : they should get her to design some for this game

 **CoyoteGurl** : it would be an improvement

 **PaxCali** : we’re actually working on it kind of

 **PaxCali** : i’m taking an online class in 3d design stuff

 **PaxCali** : to make game assets and stuff

 **PaxCali** : it’s pretty fun

 **PaxCali** : becca’s already got ideas for outfits she wants to make

 **CoyoteGurl** : hey that’s really cool

 **PaxCali** : thanks

 **CoyoteGurl** : alright starting the actual game now

 **CoyoteGurl** : coming in for a landing

 **CoyoteGurl** : bleh why doesn’t anyone blink

 **CoyoteGurl** : i don’t like this

 **PaxCali** : it’s really gonna be worth it

 **PaxCali** : after this you’re gonna barely see any npcs anyway

 **CoyoteGurl** : what’s npcs

 **PaxCali** : non-player characters, sorry

 **PaxCali** : like the people who aren't controlled by a real person

 **CoyoteGurl** : ahh

**Achievement Unlocked: Off The Plane - Arrive in Los Santos**

**CoyoteGurl** : this guy’s just throwing me into a street race

 **CoyoteGurl** : i don’t even have my permit yet!

 **PaxCali** : you got the controller we dropped off right?

 **PaxCali** : and you set it up?

 **CoyoteGurl** : yuh

 **PaxCali** : then this’ll be way easier than irl driving

 **PaxCali** : and after i’ll invite you to our server

 **CoyoteGurl** : okayyy

 **CoyoteGurl** : here i go

 **PaxCali** : good luck

 **CoyoteGurl** : o ff

 **CoyoteGurl** : bbb

 **CoyoteGurl** : nn eh

 **PaxCali** : you ok D?

 **CoyoteGurl** : oh my god i did it

 **PaxCali** : finished the race?

**Achievement Unlocked: Fastest & Furiousest - Win your first street race**

**CoyoteGurl** : i won!

 **PaxCali** : damn!

 **PaxCali** : nice going

 **PaxCali** : inviting you to the server now

 **PaxCali** : did you get the invite

 **CoyoteGurl** : got it got it

 **CoyoteGurl** : on the way

**Achievement Unlocked: Enter The Thunderdome - Join another player on their private server**

**CoyoteGurl** : ominous

**BeccaWrecca has joined the chat**

**BeccaWrecca** : Devi’s here!!

 **CoyoteGurl** : Hi Becca!

 **BeccaWrecca** : this is gonna be fun

 **CoyoteGurl** : definitely

 **CoyoteGurl** : so

 **CoyoteGurl** : what do we like

 **CoyoteGurl** : do

 **CoyoteGurl** : in this game

 **BeccaWrecca** : whatever we want

 **PaxCali** : ^

 **BeccaWrecca** : drive around

 **PaxCali** : fight

 **BeccaWrecca** : race

 **PaxCali** : play tennis

 **BeccaWrecca** : explore

 **PaxCali** : which usually turns into fighting

 **CoyoteGurl** : sky’s the limit huh

 **CoyoteGurl** : this is basically a fighting game though right

 **CoyoteGurl** : can you show me how to do that first

 **PaxCali** : yeah let me give you a gun

**Achievement Unlocked: Armed & Dangerous - Acquire your first weapon**

**PaxCali** : so it’s left trigger to aim, right trigger to shoot

 **CoyoteGurl** : the triggers are the flappy ones on the back

 **BeccaWrecca** : yeah

 **BeccaWrecca** : so aim at Paxton with the left and then shoot with the right

 **PaxCali** : hold on

**Achievement Unlocked: Start of Darkness - Commit your first murder**

**CoyoteGurl** : heheheh

 **BeccaWrecca** : WASTED

 **PaxCali** : i’m coming for you guys as soon as i get out of the hospital

 **CoyoteGurl** : so when you die you go to the hospital?

 **BeccaWrecca** : yes

 **BeccaWrecca** : but that won’t slow him down for long

 **BeccaWrecca** : we should move

 **CoyoteGurl** : oh is this where we grand theft some autos??

 **BeccaWrecca** : yep

 **CoyoteGurl** : red convertible!

 **BeccaWrecca** : you like to be a little extra sometimes lol

 **CoyoteGurl** : there’s only one letter different between devi and diva

**Achievement Unlocked: Living Up To The Name - Commit your first Grand Theft Auto**

**CoyoteGurl** : woohoo!!

 **BeccaWrecca** : lol

 **BeccaWrecca** : get on the highway

 **BeccaWrecca** : we should get out of the city before paxton catches up

 **PaxCali** : you better run

 **CoyoteGurl** : lolol

 **CoyoteGurl** : the scenery is pretty nice in this game

 **BeccaWrecca** : yeah sometimes it’s fun to drive around, see the sights

 **BeccaWrecca** : not when there’s an angry brother after you

 **CoyoteGurl** : psh he’s way behind us

 **BeccaWrecca** : unless he gets a plane

 **CoyoteGurl** : there’s planes in this game??

 **PaxCali** : good idea

 **BeccaWrecca** : whoops

 **BeccaWrecca** : drive faster

 **BeccaWrecca** : we need cover

 **PaxCali** : too late

 **CoyoteGurl** : is that a helicopter

 **PaxCali** : you got it

 **BeccaWrecca** : pull off at this farm

 **BeccaWrecca** : we’ll lose him in the field

 **PaxCali** : not so fast!!

 **CoyoteGurl** : aaaaaaaahhhhh

 **CoyoteGurl** : my car!

 **PaxCali** : it’s a helipad now

 **BeccaWrecca** : get out get out

 **PaxCali** : wait i’m willing to not kill you

 **CoyoteGurl** : uh huh

 **BeccaWrecca** : ignore him, i have a plan

 **PaxCali** : becca made you kill me

 **PaxCali** : there’s still time for you to switch sides

 **CoyoteGurl** : there’s sides all of a sudden???

 **BeccaWrecca** : WASTED

 **CoyoteGurl** : what

**Achievement Unlocked: Old MacDonald Bought The Farm - Get run over by a tractor**

**CoyoteGurl** : you killed me!!!!

 **BeccaWrecca** : sorry

 **BeccaWrecca** : you were standing too close to him

 **BeccaWrecca** : it was both of you or neither

 **CoyoteGurl** : now i really am going to switch sides

 **PaxCali** : nice

 **PaxCali** : you start searching for her by land, i’ll go from the air

 **CoyoteGurl** : perfect

 **PaxCali** : just gotta get a new helicopter

 **BeccaWrecca** : uh oh

 **BeccaWrecca** : time for a new plan

 **CoyoteGurl** : better think fast!!!!

 **CoyoteGurl** : i think i see her

 **CoyoteGurl** : we’re out in the desert

 **PaxCali** : on the way

 **CoyoteGurl** : she’s headed for some kind of airport

 **CoyoteGurl** : or military base?

 **PaxCali** : oh no

 **PaxCali** : devi get out of there

 **CoyoteGurl** : why? what’s there

**Achievement Unlocked: Top Gunned - Get killed by a military fighter jet**

**BeccaWrecca** : WASTED

 **CoyoteGurl** : do they really just leave the keys in those things

 **PaxCali** : sorry devi

 **PaxCali** : i tried to warn you

 **CoyoteGurl** : i’m thinking about striking out on my own

 **CoyoteGurl** : neither of you are doing a lot for me here

 **BeccaWrecca** : that’s not fair

 **BeccaWrecca** : the tractor was an accident

 **PaxCali** : and the jet wasn’t even me

 **PaxCali** : and i’m about to avenge you

 **CoyoteGurl** : look out H-Ys here comes Devi

 **BeccaWrecca** : where

 **BeccaWrecca** : where’s she coming from

 **PaxCali** : and in what

**Achievement Unlocked: FORE! - Run someone over with a golf cart**

**Achievement Unlocked: Par - Run over a second player with a golf cart**

**CoyoteGurl** : i believe the phrase is

 **CoyoteGurl** : WASTED

 **PaxCali** : how did she get that here so fast

 **CoyoteGurl** : i was

 **CoyoteGurl** : speeding

 **BeccaWrecca** : now we’re going to have to take you out

 **CoyoteGurl** : just try it

 **CoyoteGurl** : i have all the jets now

 **CoyoteGurl** : and you’re both back in the city in traction

 **PaxCali** : looks like we’re out of luck becca

 **BeccaWrecca** : we’ll have to retire

 **PaxCali** : go to the shore and look at boats

 **BeccaWrecca** : steal the boats

 **PaxCali** : drive them around

 **CoyoteGurl** : good! stay out!

 **CoyoteGurl** : wait it’s boring now

 **CoyoteGurl** : guess i’ll have to come find you guys and waste you in my

 **CoyoteGurl** : JET

 **BeccaWrecca** : we’re in trouble now

 **PaxCali** : i think i see her up there

 **BeccaWrecca** : this is the end

 **BeccaWrecca** : time for some last words

 **PaxCali** : yep

 **CoyoteGurl** : better make em fast

 **CoyoteGurl** : you’re both in my sights

 **PaxCali** : so

 **PaxCali** : devi

 **PaxCali** : you and ben huh

 **CoyoteGurl** : what

 **CoyoteGurl** : what are you talking about

 **CoyoteGurl** : did he say something to you

 **BeccaWrecca** : WASTED

**Achievement Unlocked: Third Time’s The Harm - Get killed three times in a row by the same player**

**CoyoteGurl** : wtf

 **PaxCali** : lol

 **PaxCali** : told you that would work

 **BeccaWrecca** : better luck next time devi

 **CoyoteGurl** : did you guys team up on that

 **CoyoteGurl** : was that a ploy?

 **CoyoteGurl** : was that a plan that you put together on purpose??

 **BeccaWrecca** : lol

 **PaxCali** : you can’t see but we’re high-fiving right now

 **CoyoteGurl** : ok now it’s on

 **PaxCali** : you don’t even have a jet anymore

 **CoyoteGurl** : jets aren’t everything

 **PaxCali** : time to get ourselves in a better position becca

 **BeccaWrecca** : top of the ferris wheel?

 **PaxCali** : inside the blimp?

 **CoyoteGurl** : nowhere is high enough or far enough to protect you

 **PaxCali** : we’ll see

 **CoyoteGurl** : you’re probably wondering where i am now

 **BeccaWrecca** : no

 **BeccaWrecca** : we’re not worried

 **PaxCali** : not at all

 **CoyoteGurl** : you sound pretty nervous to me

 **PaxCali** : we’re not

 **BeccaWrecca** : where are you tho

 **PaxCali** : we’re curious

 **CoyoteGurl** : everywhere

 **PaxCali** : what

**Achievement Unlocked: Like Ducks In A Row - Assassinate two or more other players within thirty seconds of each other**

**CoyoteGurl** : WASTED WASTED WASTED

 **BeccaWrecca** : you said she didn’t know how to play

 **PaxCali** : dude she doesn’t

 **CoyoteGurl** : not so funny now is it!!!!!

 **PaxCali** : where are you??????

 **CoyoteGurl** : you’ll never find out

 **BeccaWrecca** : the blimp!! she’s in the blimp!!!

 **CoyoteGurl** : shit

 **PaxCali** : arm up

 **CoyoteGurl** : it’s been a good run blimpy

 **CoyoteGurl** : but now it’s over

 **CoyoteGurl** : wait how do i open my parachute

 **PaxCali** : heheh

 **BeccaWrecca** : taking the shot

 **CoyoteGurl** : you didn’t even hit me

 **CoyoteGurl** : how do i open the parachute???????

 **BeccaWrecca** : i wasn’t aiming for you

**Achievement Unlocked: Oh The Humanity - Have your blimp go down in a hellstorm of flame and terror**

**CoyoteGurl** : shit

 **CoyoteGurl** : shit shit shit

 **CoyoteGurl** : shit

**Achievement Unlocked: Splat - Forget to open your parachute in time**

**CoyoteGurl** : ouch

 **CoyoteGurl** : please tell me bodies don’t bounce like that irl

 **BeccaWrecca** : and that’s GTA!

 **CoyoteGurl** : you guys do this for fun

 **PaxCali** : yup

 **PaxCali** : want to play again next week

 **CoyoteGurl** : only so i can waste you both like you deserve

 **BeccaWrecca** : lol you can try

 **BeccaWrecca** : okay i’ve gotta dip

 **BeccaWrecca** : thanks for playing Devi

 **CoyoteGurl** : thanks for inviting me

 **CoyoteGurl** : i’m definitely not terrified of you now

 **PaxCali** : you should be

 **BeccaWrecca** : see you next week!!!

**BeccaWrecca has left the chat**

**PaxCali** : you did have fun right

 **CoyoteGurl** : totally

 **CoyoteGurl** : but i’m gonna git gud before next time

 **PaxCali** : how do you know about gitting gud if you don’t know anything about games

 **CoyoteGurl** : i contain multitudes

 **CoyoteGurl** : about what you said before

 **CoyoteGurl** : did ben say something to you

 **PaxCali** : nah

 **PaxCali** : dude’s cool as a cucumber

 **PaxCali** : well he’s a big nerd but he’s not saying anything

 **PaxCali** : especially not to me

 **PaxCali** : but he kinda doesn’t need to

 **PaxCali** : no matter what your mom thinks

 **PaxCali** : i’m not stupid

 **CoyoteGurl** : can you not say anything to anybody about it for now

 **CoyoteGurl** : i haven’t even told Eleanor and Fabiola

 **CoyoteGurl** : i don’t want them to be mad at me again

 **CoyoteGurl** : after i lied to them about you

 **PaxCali** : that was a pretty shit-tier move

 **CoyoteGurl** : i’m trying to do better here

 **CoyoteGurl** : you know

 **CoyoteGurl** : not lie to my friends anymore

 **PaxCali** : which is cool

 **PaxCali** : don’t worry

 **PaxCali** : i’m not gonna go telling anybody

 **PaxCali** : but as somebody with a lot more experience

 **PaxCali** : i’d say it doesn’t help to try and bury it

 **PaxCali** : it’s a lot of extra stress

 **PaxCali** : it’ll be weird at first but everybody’ll get over it

 **CoyoteGurl** : i’ll take that under consideration

 **PaxCali** : cool

 **PaxCali** : thanks for being a good sport today

 **PaxCali** : Becca really had fun

 **PaxCali** : she gets bored of playing with just me

 **PaxCali** : i had fun too

 **CoyoteGurl** : :) thanks for helping me expand my horizons

 **CoyoteGurl** : not much of a gamer before now

 **PaxCali** : you did pretty well for a noob

 **CoyoteGurl** : i’m gonna do even better once i figure out how to open my freakin parachute

 **PaxCali** : lol just google it

 **CoyoteGurl** : oh i’m going to

 **PaxCali** : good luck

 **PaxCali** : see you tomorrow

 **PaxCali** : and your bf lololol

 **CoyoteGurl** : shut up

 **PaxCali** : btw

 **PaxCali** : [ https://gta.fandom.com/wiki/Controls_for_GTA_V ](https://gta.fandom.com/wiki/Controls_for_GTA_V)

**PaxCali** : lol

**PaxCali has left the chat**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At this point all the rest of this story has been at least roughly drafted, and so I feel bound to provide a warning that this vessel now departs from the warm and placid bay of pure comedy to sail into the rocky and treacherous shoals of pathos for a few weeks before (I swear) finding safe harbor in the port of a suitably heartwarming final chapter.


	5. ...actually been in a relationship

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: i'm posting this chapter early so i'll have more time to work on the next chapter instead of obsessively proofreading this one  
> the real me: i'm posting this chapter early because i need people to laugh at my tortellini meme

Ben

Wednesday March 25th, 2020

10:10 AM Me

What is Mr. Shapiro talking about?

I zoned out for a sec

10:12 AM Ben

I’m not sure

I zoned out too

10:13 AM Me

This is your fault for making me stay up late all the time

10:14 AM Ben

What else would you be doing between the hours of 10pm and 4am

10:15 AM Me

Sleeping.

10:17 AM Ben

I see you, David

0_0

10:17 AM Me

So??

10:18 AM Ben

You’re on your phone in class

10:18 AM Me

Cuz I’m texting you, stupid

Why are you watching me instead of the teacher huh

10:19 AM Ben

Because

10:21 AM Ben

You’re cute

You’re blushing LOL

10:22 AM Me

Am not!

10:23 AM Ben

You totally are

10:24 AM Me

When we’re together again I’m going to destroy you

10:25 AM Ben

Can’t wait

10:26 AM Me

Me neither

2:39 PM Ben

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50149457997/in/album-72157715224212231/)

2:42 PM Me

No

2:45 PM Ben

Aw

5:33 PM Ben

Okay time to make dinner

Any suggestions?

5:34 PM Me

Are YOU making it?

5:35 PM Ben

Yep

Patty’s staying home right now so it’s all on us

Us being me

5:36 PM Me

Where are your parents?

Can’t you get pizza or something?

5:37 PM Ben

My dad just got a bunch of groceries delivered yesterday

I don’t want to waste them

5:38 PM Me

Then where is your dad

Or mom

Or anybody

5:39 PM Ben

Not sure

I think maybe they went for a drive?

Or they’re in the poolhouse?

Or in the basement?

5:42 PM Me

I’m worried you’re going to set yourself on fire like a Sim

5:42 PM Ben

How hard can it be

I’m the smartest person in the sophomore class

5:43 PM Me

Ahem

I think a GPA comparison would say something a little different

5:43 PM Ben

Okay fine

I’m tied for smartest person in the sophomore class

5:44 PM Me

That’s better

5:50 PM Me

Kamala says when she was learning to cook in America spaghetti was easiest

5:51 PM Ben

Spaghetti sounds good

5:56 PM Ben

We have some spaghetti actually

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50148678323/in/album-72157715224212231/)

5:57 PM Me

Ben that’s tortellini

5:58 PM Ben

Which is a type of spaghetti

5:59 PM Me

It’s a type of pasta?

Which spaghetti also is?

They’re both pasta?

6:00 PM Ben

So I’m not the spaghetti expert

What am I, Italian?

6:01 PM Me

Everybody knows what pasta is!

6:08 PM Me

Ben

6:11 PM Me

Ben

6:13 PM Me

Ben

Are you still alive?

6:14 PM Ben

Yeah sorry

My PASTA was boiling

6:15 PM Me

And??

6:16 PM Ben

And boiling water is hot and heavy

6:17 PM Me

There’s innuendo there I think but I’m too worried to make it right now

Did you burn yourself?

6:18 PM Ben

I am unharmed

AND the pasta is strained

6:18 PM Me

Whew

6:20 PM Ben

Just realized you have to put sauce or something on pasta

6:20 PM Me

Yep

6:23 PM Ben

Looks like it’s going to be butter

6:23 PM Me

Kamala says look for garlic salt

6:24 PM Ben

Oh shit, Kamala’s onto something here

This is pretty good

6:25 PM Me

Are you eating any vegetables?

6:25 PM Ben

I have an orange

6:27 PM Ben

And I just found some grape juice

So no scurvy!

6:30 PM Me

That’s the most depressing thing I’ve ever heard

Please sign up for Blue Apron or something

6:31 PM Ben

It’s cool

I think I’m getting the hang of this cooking thing

6:32 PM Me

Maybe my mom would let us take you some leftovers…

6:33 PM Ben

Now that I wouldn’t necessarily object to

6:34 PM Me

Okay good

11:13 PM Me

Hey did you talk to Paxton about this?

11:14 PM Ben

Which this?

Making dinner?

Watching Rick & Morty?

11:15 PM Me

About us

That’s weird to say

11:16 PM Ben

No way

Why?

11:17 PM Me

He asked me about it

11:18 PM Ben

When?

11:19 PM Me

Just now

We were playing GTA

11:20 PM Ben

You’ll play GTA with Paxton but you won’t watch Rick & Morty with me??

11:21 PM Me

I’m friends with his sister too and it’s their favorite game okay?

I do other stuff with you

11:22 PM Ben

Fine.

Anyway he never asked me about you or anything

He asked me about Shira because he follows her on IG

She’s posting on there like six times a day with her new boyfriend

So he wanted to know if we actually broke up or what

I told him we did

That’s all.

11:27 PM Me

Okay okay

11:28 PM Ben

And he asked why

I said because Shira never actually liked me and there was somebody I realized I liked a lot better

And I’m with them now.

11:33 PM Me

That’s completely transparent

Paxton’s not stupid

11:33 PM Ben

What’s the big deal anyway?

Are you embarrassed?

I guess that’s fair or whatever

11:33 PM Me

No!!

11:34 PM Me

You never told anybody or said anything about it to anybody so I thought you wanted to keep it private for a while

11:34 PM Ben

Devi, I don’t have anybody to tell.

11:34 PM Me

Oh

11:37 PM Me

Ben I’m sorry

11:37 PM Ben

Don’t worry about it

You can tell whoever you want

11:38 PM Ben

Except maybe not your mom?

I want to live to be 17

11:42 PM Me

Is that so hard to dooooo

11:44 PM Ben

Yes if your mom thinks I’m a threat to your

Uh

Hmmm

11:45 PM Ben

Realized there was no safe ending to that sentence

11:46 PM Me

You wrote yourself into a corner there

Made your own innuendo

11:46 PM Ben

Yep

Going to move on and pretend that never happened

How’s you and Eleanor’s project going?

11:52 PM Me

Super well

We’re going crush all the rest of you on Friday

11:52 PM Ben

Oh really?

What’s it about then?

11:55 PM Me

Pff like I’m going to tell you

11:55 PM Ben

How about a hint?

11:58 PM Me

Fine

Feminist theater history

11:58 PM Ben

Oh like Sarah Bernhardt in Hamlet or something?

Thursday March 26th, 2020

12:05 AM Me

What no

That’s like way too obvious

12:05 AM Ben

Hmm alright I’m going to have to think about it

12:09 AM Me

What about you and Paxton?

12:09 AM Ben

Ours is going to be good obviously

Paxton came up with a surprisingly strong concept

So I’m researching and writing up the content

12:10 AM Ben

We’re doing one slide each

You’ll know which one’s which because mine’ll be the good one

12:15 AM Me

And what’s that one good slide about?

12:15 AM Ben

pFf LIkE i’M GoNNa teLL yOu

12:18 AM Me

Oh okay I see where we’re at now

I’ll have to wait and find out

12:21 AM Ben

Or ask your new best friend Paxton.

12:23 AM Me

Whatever dude

12:30 AM Ben

Shit I’m sorry

I’ve been being a dick tonight

12:32 AM Ben

I’m really sorry

12:33 AM Ben

Sorry

12:33 AM Me

It’s okay

Apology accepted

I’ve been there

12:34 AM Ben

I’m just really on edge today

It sucks being at home all day

My parents are finally here most of the time

12:35 AM Ben

And I’m still lonely

It sucks.

12:37 AM Ben

I really want to see you

12:37 AM Me

Yeah

I miss you too

We’ll get through this

12:38 AM Ben

We will

12:40 AM Ben

Hey did you have fun with Paxton and his sister?

12:41 AM Me

Yeah actually

I thought it would be a lot lamer than it was

I fell out of a blimp and got run over by a tractor

12:43 AM Ben

That’s GTA haha

I’m really glad you had fun 😀

12:45 AM Me

Yeah

Now that I have it we should play some time 😀

12:47 AM Ben

Okay but I want you to know my racing win streak is 50 matches and counting

12:47 AM Me

That may be true but I won my very first race today

AND I know what your driving’s like irl

So

12:48 AM Me

Come at me bro

12:48 AM Ben

Now we’re playing for sure

And you’re going down

12:48 AM Me

Oh no it’s you who’s going down

Hard

12:52 AM Ben

There’s innuendo to be made there too lol

I should probably go to bed though

12:52 AM Me

Same

12:55 AM Me

I wish you were here

12:55 AM Ben

In your bed?

That’s pretty racy, David

12:56 AM Me

😒

You know what I mean

12:57 AM Ben

Yeah I do, don’t worry

12:57 AM Me

See you tomorrow

12:58 AM Ben

❤️

12:58 AM Me

❤️

7:14 AM Ben

Hey, I hope this doesn’t wake you up but I just wanted to say sorry again for being a jerk last night. Spending time with you is one of the best things I’ve got going for me right now, so if I’m a dick to you ever again please just like stuff me in a trashcan or something. Anyway I hope you have a good day and still want to talk to me ever again and whatever.

7:50 AM Me

You can stop apologizing now, it’s okay

It would be pretty hypocritical of me to exile anybody else for being prickly

7:59 AM Me

I literally said I wished the Nazis would kill you once 😬

8:00 AM Ben

Probably my least favorite thing you’ve ever said, yep

8:00 AM Me

So you’re a long way from unforgivable

And I definitely won’t exile you for being a little grumpy

8:03 AM Ben

That’s good to hear

8:07 AM Me

Just so you know I’m probably going to tell Eleanor and Fabiola about us dating today 

Or maybe tomorrow

In case they start giving you funny looks or something

8:07 AM Ben

They already give me funny looks all the time

So it won’t be much different

8:08 AM Me

Also I have something for you lol

8:08 AM Ben

Why does your tone concern me even as text

8:15 AM Me

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50149222476/in/album-72157715224212231/)

lol

8:18 AM Ben

Oh come on

8:18 AM Me

WASTED

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "IS THIS SPAGHETTI???"  
> Not to toot my own horn but I laugh literally every time I get to the end of this chapter


	6. ...used dr. ryan's stupid grief journal for real

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in my defense  
> i was also sad the whole time writing this

~~3/24/20~~

~~3/25/20~~

3/26/ ~~3~~ 20

~~Hi Dad,~~

~~What’s poppin’, Dad~~

~~Dear Dad,~~

~~Fuck this~~

Hi, Dad,

I can’t believe I’m writing in this stupid journal, but Dr. Ryan keeps suggesting it ~~and I don’t want to disappoint her~~ ( ~~which is weird and dumb~~ ). ~~Apparently a~~ Acknowledging and understanding your feelings is “essential” to effective therapy. ~~Who knew.~~ So here goes nothing.

Where do I even start?

I should probably get the obvious out of the way first.

I miss you literally every hour of every day, Dad. Everything I do reminds me of you and how you’re not here. ~~I thought the world had already reached its nadir of suck once you weren’t in it anymore, but turns out that’s not true.~~ ~~Things got shittier!~~ Things are a little tough right now, with school cancelled and all of us stuck at home ~~and the whole world going to shit.~~ It’s hard not to have you here. I miss you. This is the kind of time that you’d be able to make fun with a game or a joke or something. You’d know what to do. ~~Or maybe you wouldn’t but you’d do a really really good job of pretending that you did.~~

But some things ~~don’t completely suck~~ aren’t so bad. Eleanor and Fabiola are my friends again! That really helps relieve the awful. I can’t believe they forgave me for screwing them over! Twice! I’m lucky to have friends like them. Did you think when we started hanging out in like 1st Grade that we’d still be friends now? Is that what you were hoping when you came to America?

Sometimes I wonder if this is the life you wanted me to have.

There’s definitely things I have here that I maybe wouldn’t if you and Mom had stayed in India. Like a boyfriend. ~~Don’t tell Mom.~~ Yep, you read that right, Dad: I have a boyfriend now. I wish I knew if you would be as angry as Mom ~~is going to be~~ ~~when~~ ~~if~~ ~~she finds out~~ ~~would be~~ ~~if she found out~~ ~~which she won’t~~. Or if you would be excited. 

I want to think you’d be excited. I’m excited actually. You’re not going to believe who it is, though. ~~Really hope Mom isn’t reading this.~~ You remember Ben Gross, right? ~~Of course, how could you forget him when I’ve been complaining about him every day for years?~~ He’s my boyfriend. That’s weird, isn’t it?

~~I guess Ben and I are weird. We’re weirdos.~~

~~Sorry, that was stupid.~~

It’s kind of hard to talk about. I literally hate him so much, and we have so much fun when we’re together. ~~Which doesn’t make any sense.~~

I used to dread going to school after you died, when my legs didn’t work, but every time I saw Ben I forgot about all that. Because I wanted to beat him so much. Now I just want to see him at all. I hate that I can ace every test at school and not have this one thing in my life make sense to me. What’s weirdest is that it makes me happy. Like, best project at science fair happy. Top of the rollercoaster happy. ~~Isn’t that stupid?~~

We had ~~an argument~~ ~~a misunderstanding~~ a little fight yesterday night, and I just wanted to let it go after because I like ~~him too much~~ ~~spending time with him~~ how it is when we’re together better than being mad at him. I like talking to him even more than I like beating him. The most obnoxious things about him are so funny and so familiar they make me happy. ~~And to be honest he is kind of~~

Is that how Mom felt about you, do you think? Is that how you felt about her? ~~I really really really would love an answer, Dad.~~ I wish I could ask you this stuff. You made everything make so much sense when you were here. Now I have to make it all make sense by myself, ~~and it’s so scary.~~

I don’t want you to worry, though, Dad. Because I’m not alone here. I thought I was for a long time after you died. I felt so lost, I literally couldn’t stand it. ~~Is that a pun?~~ ~~Is it in bad taste?~~ I still feel like that sometimes. But I’m not. Mom is here, and Kamala, and Dr. Ryan. Fabiola, Eleanor. Ben. They care about what happens to me as much as you ~~would have.~~ do. They work really hard to help me. 

So every day I’m trying to be as good to them as they are to me. It’s really, really not easy. But I know that’s what you would want. I don’t even have to ask.

Just so you know, Mom’s doing okay too. She doesn’t like having to see her patients over Zoom, but she keeps seeing them ~~and helping them with their gross boils and creepy infections and whatever~~. We talk more ~~probably because we’re home all day~~ and ~~usually~~ sometimes it doesn’t even turn into a fight. We try not to make it a fight anyway. She even kept your bike. She goes for rides sometimes, and it makes her happy. It makes me happy to see her happy. You’d like it. I know she misses you too. We both really miss you.

What else?

My grades are good, like always ~~even with Mr. Shapiro crashing Zoom at least three times a day.~~

I’m trying to get back into the harp, but it’s not easy. ~~Might take up the recorder instead.~~ ~~That’s a joke.~~

I still want to go to Princeton. I don’t know what for, though. What am I good at? What do I like? What do I want to do with my whole life? Those are really hard questions. ~~Don’t know why I have to decide them all now.~~

I know what you’d say: “Everything!” Which is a great answer, and why you’re a great dad, but not always a super helpful one. Sorry. Love you.

Oh, ~~shit~~ ~~,~~ I almost forgot: I met John McEnroe a while ago. That’s pretty wild, huh? He was on the beach in Malibu, and he helped me stop Mom from spreading your ashes without me. ~~It was my fault, don’t blame her.~~ He was surprisingly nice, and really loud. ~~Creepy to have to see such an old dude in, like, a scuba suit, though.~~

Just so you know, this has kind of been a test run for telling Fabiola and Eleanor about dating Ben. I kind of buried that part, but that’s because you’re a good listener. ~~And because I definitely don’t want to use Mom as my test subject.~~ I’m going to tell them about it tomorrow. It’s kind of a scary prospect. I’m worried that they ~~won’t believe me~~ ~~will be embarrassed~~ ~~will think I’m stupid~~ ~~will freak out~~ will feel weird about it. I don’t know why they would. ~~Other than that Ben’s the worst, which is true. But besides that.~~ Maybe I’m not giving them enough credit. They forgave me before, and this isn’t even something bad ~~right?~~ This is just another twist in the super twisty Devi Vishwakumar story. ~~They’ll get it.~~ ~~Maybe.~~

Thanks for listening, Dad.

That’s all that’s new with me. ~~Nothing is~~ I don’t know if anything’s new with you. ~~You might be a coyote now.~~

~~Miss you~~

~~Love you~~

Miss you and love you so much,

Devi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next week will be funny again i swear


	7. ...told the world i have a boyfriend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i couldn't bear to cut any of the characters' presentations, in lieu of a plot please enjoy the fruits of my time wandering Wikipedia!

**import** Scripty.py

history_class_032720_03 **=** Scripty(history_roster_names_voices.mp4, history_class_zoom_14.mp4)

history_class_032720_03.read()

history_class_032720_03.write()

[Output: history_class_032720_03.txt]

history_class_032720_03.displayText()

_#Can’t forget to embed the slides in the transcript as I go_

* * *

Mr. Shapiro: and calm down. Center ourselves and be mindful of how we’re feeling now.

[Output: Stressed!]

Devi: Mindful of how this is the second time we’ve had to start a new Zoom…

[Output: Mumbled disgruntlement]

Mr. Shapiro: What’s that, Devi?

[Output: Naive curiosity]

Ben: Hey, Mr. Shapiro, we should really let Eric and Trent finish their presentation. There’s still three more groups to go. Including mine.

[Output: Blatant distraction tactics intermingled with just a little self-interest]

_#just a little?_

_#I guess everything has to be read differently in light of what’s about to happen_

_#Hope you’re up to it, Scripty_

Mr. Shapiro: You’re right, Ben. Can’t be sleeping on all the great research you guys have done this week. Eric, are you ready to share screens again?

[Output: Forcibly reinvigorated enthusiasm]

Eric: I have to quit Stardew Valley first.

[Output: Dull disappointment]

Mr. Shapiro: Stardew Valley? That doesn’t sound like an educational application.

[Output: Suspicion]

Eric: I was hoping the Zoom would stay crashed for longer.

[Output: Deepening disappointment]

_#Same_

Trent: Oh dude same.

[Output: Admirably cheerful disappointment]

_#He never lets things get him down, it’s true_

Mr. Shapiro: You both know your behavior affects your grade in this class, don’t you?

[Output: Dismay]

_#He’s telling a blatant lie_

_#I’ve been checking the gradebook online every day for the whole semester_

_#And Mr. Shapiro has updated it ONCE_

_#He’s not even taking attendance_

_#And that was BEFORE we started school online_

Trent: I thought you said this was easy points, Mr. S.

[Output: Guileless concern]

Eric: Okay, I’m ready to share again.

[Output: Total lack of interest]

Mr. Shapiro: Great. Fabiola, could you make that happen without disaster...the way I can’t?

[Output: Barely concealed humiliation]

_#It’s what he deserves_

Fabiola: I sure can!

[Output: Suppressed but evergrowing torment]

_#Mentioning it makes it harder to suppress, so please don’t_

Mr. Shapiro: There it is! Where did you learn all these tricks, Fabiola? They are so fly.

[Output: An amazement with modern technology akin to that normally expressed by the very elderly]

_#Leave the poor elderly out of this_

Fabiola: The Zoom website.

[Output: Disdain that is flat as a long open bottle of soda]

_#Scripty shouldn’t be able to use similes_

_#Brian would never think of them either_

_#Who did this_

Mr. Shapiro: Okay! Take it away, Eric and Trent!

[Output: A healthy unawareness of the tone taken towards him by his students]

_#I have a right to be frustrated!!_

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50241180093/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Trent: Cool. So like we were saying before Mr. S tanked the Zoom again, Paul Wittgenstein was like a very interesting dude. He had to chuck his own arm during a war, and so he was pretty bummed about it, like you’d expect.

[Output: A pretty blithe attitude toward this man’s personal tragedy]

_#You don’t know who Paul Wittgenstein is either, Scripty_

_#You’re just pretending to care_

_#Are you...able to care…?_

_#Note to self: program may be evolving too quickly_

Eric: But he spent his time in a POW camp practicing on a makeshift piano with his remaining hand, and when the war ended, he continued to pursue his dream, even though everyone told him it was out of reach.

[Output: Unaware of the accidental and in somewhat bad taste pun he just produced]

_#Oof_

Trent: And his dream was pretty sweet: he became a world-famous concert pianist with only one arm.

[Output: Sincere admiration]

Eric: Later he would lose a lot of fans and be called a monster who mutilated music, but that was later.

[Output: A mournful acknowledgment of the facts]

Trent: The end!

[Output: Confident satisfaction in his own performance]

Mr. Shapiro: Wow. Hard to know where to go from there. Any questions? Oh, Devi. You’ve adopted the Ben model. I really just need one signal or the other. Two is actually a little confusing.

[Output: Forced support shifting into low-key dread]

Devi: I have a lot of questions: Who is this guy again? When is he from? What war was he in? Where are we talking about? And how was this a fun fact?

[Output: A refusal to let shoddy presentation get in the way of the acquisition of knowledge]

_#That’s right!_

Trent: Uh, well, his name was Paul Wittgenstein, he was in a big war in Europe, so it was in Europe.

[Output: Strained attempt at recall]

Eric: He was Ludwig Wittgenstein’s brother.

[Output: As if that should explain everything]

_#Honestly_

Ben: Follow-up to Devi’s question: how would either of you know who Ludwig Wittgenstein was?

[Output: Disbelief]

Eric: I like modern philosophy, and Wittgenstein wrote the only crossover hit of 20th century philosophy.

[Output: Unremarkable obviousness]

Ben: What.

[Output: Confusion]

Mr. Shapiro: Well, that’s pretty much time for Trent and Eric’s presentation. And I think we learned a lot from them. It’s important to choose carefully where to end your story, so it stays fun. Most of history gets sad if you read too far...What else?

[Output: The demeanor of a man desperately bailing out a sinking ship]

Devi: It’s important to include some facts anywhere in your presentation.

[Output: A sick burn]

_#Scripty, you need to avoid the appearance of bias when making these tone assignments_

_#Even if Devi’s right and you’re right_

Mr. Shapiro: I appreciate your passion for accuracy and focus, Devi, but now is not an appropriate time to go off.

[Output: Admonishment]

_#I highly disagree_

_#No better time to go off_

Eleanor: Can we go next?

[Output: Genuine excitement]

_#What a cutie_

Mr. Shapiro: I think Paxton and Ben are actually next on the list. So let’s swap the screen share over to them. Who’s going to run the presentation?

[Output: Fading enthusiasm]

Ben: Me!

[Output: Certainty]

Paxton: Yeah, sure.

[Output: Very sexy]

_#Can’t wait for Scripty to finish puberty and outgrow this guy_

Mr. Shapiro: Great. Fabiola, make it- Oh, you already did it!

[Output: Delighted surprise]

Fabiola: Yep.

[Output: Total disillusionment with even the concept of high school history teachers]

_#I wonder if the school would give me a stipend as an IT consultant_

Ben: We’re going to talk to you today about one of America’s greatest athletes, and Paxton’s going to introduce him.

[Output: The practiced neutrality of a frequent speaker]

_#What’s Scripty’s basis for comparison here?_

_#It better not be Riverdale still_

_#Thinking about switching Scripty to an all-PBS diet this summer_

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50242027407/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Paxton: Thanks. This guy is one of my favorite people ever. His name was Duke Kahanamoku. He was a native Hawaiian, from Hawaii obviously, and he was a champion swimmer and surfer. He helped introduce surfing to the rest of the US, and he represented the US at the Olympics, which Ben’s going to tell you more about.

[Output: Mellow but sincere excitement]

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50242028252/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Ben: Kahanamoku represented the US at three different Olympic games: 1912, 1920, and 1924, which, as you can imagine, is a long time to remain at Olympic level fitness. He would likely have competed even more, but the 1916 games were cancelled because of World War I. Over the course of the games he did attend, Kahanamoku won three gold medals and two silver medals, and set multiple world records in swimming.

[Output: Confident delivery of facts]

Paxton: We thought this was a fun fact kind of story because he’s somebody I always looked up to as an Asian-American/Pacific Islander and as an athlete, and now you might too. If we ever get to, like, go on vacations again, you can see a cool statue of him in Honolulu.

[Output: An adorable and surprisingly vulnerable interest]

_#Yes okay fine_

_#Paxton also has interests just like everybody else_

_#Pleeeeease move on_

Mr. Shapiro: Great job! Thank you for this chance to learn about an impressive and frankly very dashing American man of color. You’re a pair of absolute GOATs, boys.

[Output: Excitement]

Ben: Why would you say it like that?

[Output: Profound discomfort]

Mr. Shapiro: Anybody have any questions about Duke Kahanamoku for Ben and Paxton?

[Output: Foolish hope]

Devi: Yeah, I have a question for Ben.

[Output: Worryingly devious]

_#The first four letters in devious spell Devi…_

_#Suddenly it all makes sense_

Mr. Shapiro: Go for it.

[Output: Completely unaware]

Devi: So Ben, which, uh, which slide was it that you made? I just, uh, thought it wasn’t clear and wanted to be sure.

[Output: Feigned ignorance]

Ben: Was it not? Was it not clear? Was the careful deployment of a hero image not a tip off? The concise language? The use of design principles? Is the time I spent studying slide composition not obvious?

[Output: Tremendous indignation]

Devi: Just kidding.

[Output: Unalloyed delight]

_#Why didn’t I realize_

_#I could have spared myself from what’s coming_

Eleanor: Mr. Shapiro, can Devi and I go yet?

[Output: Light desperation]

Mr. Shapiro: Almost. But Eve and Fabiola are next on the list.

[Output: A misplaced hope that following a list will bring order to his dissolving life]

_#Some of this is very speculative_

_#Scripty is not supposed to be a psychology bot_

_#Though our class would probably benefit from one of those too_

Eleanor: I’m willing to accept this only because it means Devi and I get to be the closing act.

[Output: Graceful acquiescence]

_#Because she is a star duh_

Mr. Shapiro: Fabiola, are you- Ah, there it is.

[Output: Surprisingly enduring surprise at seeing the meeting run effectively]

_#Using surprise twice in a sentence is kind of clunky_

_#I’m a little concerned Scripty’s just stringing these descriptions together at random_

Fabiola: Yep.

[Output: Absolute disdain]

_#I just want him to be able to press two or three buttons by himself!!_

_#Is that so much to ask..._

  
[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50241180123/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Eve: Thanks, Fab! We’re going to talk to you today about two lesser known figures in US lesbian history, although their life stories actually have an international scope. Their names were Elsa Gidlow and Isabel Grenfell Quallo.

[Output: Unforced enthusiasm]

_#You forgot natural charm and poise!_

Mr. Shapiro: Sounds g-

[Output: Excitement]

Fabiola: No!

[Output: Stricken with horror]

_#I have reasons to be afraid!!_

_#Did you see what he said to Ben and Paxton?_

Mr. Shapiro: Fabiola?

[Output: Concern]

Fabiola: Don’t say it!

[Output: The fervor of the disregarded prophet Cassandra]

_#So at least that Iliad audiobook is sinking in_

_#Maybe Achilles can unseat Jughead and Paxton in Scripty’s affections_

Mr. Shapiro: Say what? That your project sounds great?

[Output: Confusion]

_#That’s not what he was going to say_

_#I know it_

Fabiola: Sorry. I thought you were going to say something else.

[Output: Embarrassment]

_#gah_

Eve: Anyway, I’m going to hand it over to Fabiola to introduce Elsa and Isabel.

[Output: Smooth recovery of the situation]

_#*thank you*_

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50241820836/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Fabiola: Elsa and Isabel were introduced to each other by mail in 1946, when they were both middle aged. Elsa was the first person to publish a book of openly lesbian poetry in the US, and very into witchcraft and alternative spirituality. She hung out with a lot of bohemian artist types, who connected her to Isabel. Isabel was born in Africa and later spent time in England studying at a girls’ school after her parents’ deaths. Isabel lived all over the world before moving to America and eventually joining Elsa in California, where they had a ten-year relationship. That’s everything, right, Eve?

[Output: Careful recitation]

_#I don’t do a lot of public speaking okay_

_#I wanted to get it right_

Eve: That’s perfect. Isabel eventually had to return to her family in New York, but during the decade they were together, Isabel and Elsa lived a very quiet and happy life together here in California, attending meetings of intellectuals, gardening, and caring for Elsa’s aging mother. It was mundane and pretty uneventful.

[Output: Wistful happiness]

Fabiola: We know what they did mainly because Elsa wrote a detailed autobiography late in her life, which included her time with Isabel.

[Output: Pride at adding another contribution]

_#I practiced this a lot okay!!_

_#And then everybody completely forgot all the presentations because of Devi_

_#I just want some recognition_

_#Is that too much to ask??_

Eve: The reason Fabiola and I decided to share this story is because even though we only know a little bit about Elsa and Isabel’s life together, we know it was special and happy, despite the prevailing attitudes about gay people at the time.

[Output: Conclusive gladness]

Fabiola: In a lot of ways they were like us. That’s a nice feeling, to recognize ourselves in the people who lived before us. That’s one of the best things we can get from history.

[Output: Quiet confidence]

_#You know I can actually be quite eloquent_

Mr. Shapiro: Fantastic! What a spicy take.

[Output: Relief and satisfaction]

_#Next year I have a different teacher next year I have a different teacher next year I have a different teacher_

Fabiola: That’s not...Never mind.

[Output: Discomfort]

Mr. Shapiro: Any questions for Eve and Fabiola?

[Output: Slight fear]

Devi: I have one for Fabiola. Fab, how does it feel to be such an absolute queen?

[Output: Admiration]

_#:)_

_#Okay I got a little recognition_

Eleanor: I also have a follow-up, which is, does it feel good? Because it should feel good. Because you’re awesome.

[Output: Admiration]

_#And a little more_

_#Love you guys too_

Ben: Can we make leading questions inadmissible?

[Output: Just a tiny bit of jealousy]

_#Boys._

Mr. Shapiro: Unfortunately not, because no one has asked any other kind so far.

[Output: Resignation]

Eleanor: Okay, now is it our turn?

[Output: Rising impatience]

Mr. Shapiro: Yes, Eleanor. You and Devi can wrap this up for us.

[Output: Relief that the finish line is in sight]

_#Oh god it’s coming so soon now_

_#Criiiinge_

Eleanor: Finally!

[Output: Anticipation]

Devi: Screen-share permission, please, Fab.

[Output: Polite inquiry]

_#THANK YOU DEVI_

Fabiola: Of course.

[Output: Magnanimous assistance]

_#See I don’t have a problem helping people when they are willing to hold up their end of the project!!!_

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50241820781/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Eleanor: Friends, acquaintances, classmates, lend us your ears. Our presentation is on Sarah Bernhardt and her groundbreaking performance as Hamlet in 1899. The Divine Sarah, as she was known, decided that she wanted to take on one of the most famously challenging male roles in theater history. This was shocking not only because she was a woman, but also because she was in her mid-fifties and completely confident in her ability to play a teenage prince!

[Output: The grand and arresting monologue style of a trained performer]

_#Perfect_

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50242032737/in/album-72157715224212231/)

Devi: I’m sure you’re not surprised to hear that she faced some backlash over her artistic choices, which went beyond just casting herself in the lead role. She also commissioned a new version of the play itself from a playwright who was also her lover, which disturbed some Shakespeare purists. Male critics had a lot of complaints about her performance, which aren’t worth repeating here. The female critic, actress, and writer Elizabeth Robins had a more nuanced take, which highlighted Sarah’s special charisma and sense of poise.

[Output: Charismatic declamation]

Eleanor: But here’s the coolest part: you don’t have to just take her word or ours for it! Sarah’s performance was filmed in an abridged form, and we happen to have a clip right here!

[Output: Delight]

Devi: This will work, right, Fab?

[Output: Uncertainty]

Fabiola: It might be a little laggy, but it’ll play.

[Output: Qualified optimism]

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/189412136@N02/50241179978/in/album-72157715224212231/)

  
  


Trent: Damn, that is some swashbucklery.

[Output: Impressed approval]

Eleanor: I couldn’t have said it better myself. As you can see, Sarah was a real star, and she was breaking boundaries left and right more than a century ago.

[Output: Pleased]

Devi: If that’s not a fun fact, then what is?

[Output: Perfect delivery of a closing zinger]

_#Should I cut the transcript here before I post it?_

_#Nothing informational happens after this_

_#Only disaster_

Mr. Shapiro: Fantastic! Concise and not depressing, and I love the multimedia element. All I can say is Yas, Queen Sarah! 

[Output: Embarrassing delight]

Multiple Speakers: [unintelligible]

[Output: Groans of despair]

Mr. Shapiro: So do we have any questions from the rest- Yep. Ben.

[Output: Excitement suddenly and painfully transforming into fear]

Ben: This is for Devi.

[Output: Stern displeasure]

Mr. Shapiro: I was afraid of that.

[Output: An acceptance of impending doom]

_#And yet he has no idea how much worse it will get_

Ben: Sarah Bernhardt is what I guessed you and Eleanor were presenting on, and you said that you weren’t.

[Output: Smarmy satisfaction and yet a twinge of hurt]

_#I wish I could say you were overthinking this, Scripty_

Mr. Shapiro: That’s not a question.

[Output: False hope that he can end this on a technicality]

_#Would that it t’were so simple Mr. Shapiro_

Devi: I can explain.

[Output: No confidence that she can explain]

Ben: Please.

[Output: Impatient irritation]

Devi: I. Lied? Because I didn’t want you to have the satisfaction of being right?

[Output: Painful admission of the truth]

Paxton: I thought you weren’t telling lies anymore. Especially not to your friends.

[Output: Soulful reminder]

_#No_

_#There was nothing soulful here_

_#Scripty, you are telling lies_

_#And embarrassing yourself_

Devi: Ben’s my boyfriend, that’s totally different.

[Output: A lack of self-awareness which is her undoing]

_#Yah_

Fabiola: What?

[Output: Utter disbelief]

_#Leave me alone_

Eleanor: Yesssss.

[Output: Perverse satisfaction]

_#Ew_

_#Put it another way please_

Devi: Oops.

[Output: Horror]

Ben: Follow-up question: was this how you were planning to tell Fabiola and Eleanor? And everyone else in the whole world?

[Output: Palpable bemusement]

_#Scripty, everything’s supposed to be palpable to you_

_#Your job is to detect tone and emotion_

Mr. Shapiro: I don’t understand what’s happening.

[Output: Bafflement]

_#Me neither_

Devi: No plan survives contact with the enemy. And I’m my own worst enemy...

[Output: Terrible realization]

_#Unfortunately you’ve proved this is pretty much always true, Devi_

Eleanor: You know, Mr. Shapiro, maybe you should end class here.

[Output: Not really a suggestion]

Fabiola: I’ll take you out of the meeting, don’t even worry about it.

[Output: Bold certainty]

_#It was not a time for hesitation_

Mr. Shapiro: Wait, the homework for this weekend-

[Output: Desperate confusion]

Fabiola: Bye!

[Output: Curt dismissal]

_#I had to do it to him_

_#It was merciful really_

[Mr. Shapiro disconnected]

_#Or should I cut the transcript here?_

_#Probably the earlier the better…_

_#For everyone involved_

[Meeting Host is now Fabiola Torres]

Trent: Yo, now that Mr. S is gone, I think I’m going to take off too. It’s almost taco o’clocko around here.

[Output: Cheerful anticipation of lunch]

_#I’d kind of like to know what happens at taco o’clocko too_

_#I guess probably tacos_

Eleanor: That’d be great, Trent.

[Output: Passive-aggressive dismissal]

[Trent Harrison disconnected]

Paxton: Trent’s got the right idea. I’ll head out too. Good luck, Devi.

[Output: Disinterest but also generous best wishes]

_#At least he’s gone after this_

Devi: Thanks.

[Output: A heady mixture of despair and embarrassment]

_#Desbarrassment?_

[Paxton Hall-Yoshida disconnected]

[Boris Koslov disconnected]

[Marcus Jones disconnected]

[Zoe Maytag disconnected]

[Jonah Sharpe disconnected]

[Alex Gomez disconnected]

[Oliver Martinez disconnected]

_#Like rats off a sinking ship_

Eve: Fabiola, do you want me to stay?

[Output: Concern]

Fabiola: You can go. I think this is an inner circle only kind of thing.

[Output: Nervous]

Eve: Okay. Give me a call later, maybe?

[Output: Solicitous care]

_#Because she’s a nice person!!_

_#You don’t understand what it’s like to date someone who’s pleasant to be around, Scripty_

_#Because you clearly only care about appearances_

_#Even though I don’t think you see exactly??_

_#Note to self: does Scripty have sensory experiences?_

Fabiola: Definitely.

[Output: Comforted even in this uncomfortable time]

[Eve Kartchner disconnected]

Eleanor: …

[Output: Loaded silence]

_#What is Scripty even picking up here?_

_#Vibes?_

Fabiola: …

[Output: Equally loaded silence]

_#They were pretty intense vibes though_

Devi: Ben.

[Output: Massive anxiety]

Ben: What’s up?

[Output: Total unawareness]

Devi: Get off. The meeting.

[Output: Desperate plea masked with light hostility]

Ben: Oh. Yeah. Wait, before I go, Eleanor, Fabiola, I know you don’t put a lot of stock in my word or really anything I have to say, but I swear Devi really was planning to tell you guys today. It’s a whole thing we talked through and she was totally resolved about being honest with you both, and I’m sure she had a better plan than this. Also, she didn’t tell Paxton before you, he guessed, and-

[Output: Fervid advocacy]

_#Okay fine that was a little touching_

Eleanor: Save it, Benedick. We’re only interested in the Beatrice side of this equation.

[Output: Just plain aggressive dismissal]

Fabiola: Skedaddle.

[Output: No patience]

_#Damn straight_

Ben: Yeah. Okay. Bye, Devi.

[Output: Pressing worry]

_#Maybe he means well_

_#Maybe_

Devi: See ya.

[Output: Pained dismissal]

[Ben Gross disconnected]

Eleanor: So this was the thing.

[Output: Prodding inquisition]

Fabiola: The thing in the works.

[Output: Disturbed]

Devi: Yeah.

[Output: Shame]

Eleanor: It was fairly obvious.

[Output: Smug satisfaction]

Fabiola: I can’t believe this.

[Output: Shock]

_#I was surprised okay????_

Devi: I’m getting mixed signals here.

[Output: Confusion]

Fabiola: What do you mean, it was fairly obvious?

[Output: More confusion]

Eleanor: She was literally bringing him up all the time.

[Output: Duh]

_#You’re a mean robot, Scripty_

Fabiola: Yeah, she does that. They’re enemies.

[Output: Unrealization]

_#I shouldn’t have to realize things that make no sense_

_#If a claim isn’t supported by the data, how are you supposed to believe it_

_#That would be bad science_

_#Also unrealization is definitely not a word!_

Eleanor: Fabiola.

[Output: Exasperation]

Fabiola: Yeah?

[Output: Uncertainty]

Eleanor: Enemies. To. Lovers. Slow burn.

[Output: Pedantic exposition]

Fabiola: Like Clarke and Lexa?

[Output: Dawning understanding]

_#Sometimes an analogy helps!!!_

Eleanor: I really thought Beatrice and Benedick was clear enough.

[Output: Slight resentment]

Fabiola: I kind of...don’t remember who they are, Eleanor...

[Output: Remorse]

_#I have a lot on my mind…_

_#Shakespeare is pretty low down on the list tbh_

Devi: So are you guys mad at me or what? It’s not really clear.

[Output: Serious confusion]

Eleanor: I’m not mad at you! Well, okay, I’m a little mad that you didn’t think you could tell us something like this when it happened, but I also didn’t tell you about Oliver when we started dating for a similar, like, non-reason.

[Output: Irritation tempered by understanding]

Fabiola: I really wish you had done a better job of telling us, you dummy!

[Output: Loving frustration]

_#It could have been so easy_

_#It could have not been in class_

_#It could have been by call_

_#It could have been by text_

_#It could have been by email_

_#It could have been by letter_

_#It could have been by semaphore_

_#It could have been ANY OTHER WAY_

Devi: Yeah. That was a fail on my part. How about this: this weekend I’ll give you the whole story in a real conversation, the way I meant to?

[Output: Embarrassment recuperated into determination]

Eleanor: That sounds fair.

[Output: Acceptance]

Fabiola: You do seem happier. I mean, despite everything else horrible right now.

[Output: Supportive]

Eleanor: So we’re happy for you!

[Output: Loudly supportive]

_#She does what she has to do_

Fabiola: If Ben hurts you, I’ll ruin his credit score for life.

[Output: Cold resolution]

_#It wouldn’t even be that hard_

Devi: Thank you.

[Output: A great deal of love]

_#Same_

Eric: Hey, where’s Mr. Shapiro?

[Output: Unruffled unawareness]

_#How_

Devi: Eric, what the hell?

[Output: Irritation]

Eleanor: Were you here the whole time?

[Output: Concern]

Eric: Yeah. I was playing Stardew Valley. Is class over?

[Output: Oblivious]

Fabiola: Class ended, like, a long time ago.

[Output: Pushily helpful]

_#He needed it_

Eric: Oh. Nice. See you later.

[Output: Happiness]

Devi: Yep.

[Output: Unhappiness]

[Eric Perkins disconnected]

Eleanor: Okay, so either tomorrow or Sunday is tea-time, Devi! You better have your story straight!

[Output: Significant excitement]

Devi: I will, I will. If I’m being honest, it’s actually pretty romantic, so, you know, prepare yourselves.

[Output: A little bit of self-congratulation]

_#Hard to believe_

_#But I guess I’ll find out soon enough_

_#But like_

_#It’s *Ben*_

_#Come on_

Fabiola: No spoilers! Save it for tomorrow!

[Output: Exhortation]

_#In retrospect I wish she had given some spoilers_

_#The mystery is making me anxious_

Devi: You better bring popcorn. You’re going to need it.

[Output: Friendly joking]

Fabiola: Oh, we’ll be attending, corn in hand.

[Output: Reciprocal joking]

_#Note to self: make sure Hugo hasn’t eaten all the popcorn_

Eleanor: But we’ll be equally hungry for juicy details!

[Output: Anticipation]

_#Gross_

_#Why did she say it like that_

Fabiola: Okay, I’m ending the meeting now. Bye!

[Output: Relief]

_#You can say that again_

[Meeting Terminated]

_#Well, Scripty’s getting smarter with every clip they process_

_#But us teenagers are just as dopey as ever_

_#And the thought of waiting another whole day to hear about Devi’s weird Ben thing is making my tummy hurt…_

_#Sigh_

* * *

history_class_032327_03.closeText()

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kind of an anti-climax tbh


	8. ...seen my mom acknowledge the potential value of therapy

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Jamie Ryan <jryanpsyd@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 9:52 AM

Subject: “Family Therapy”

Dear Dr. Ryan,

I’m writing to thank you for your willingness to be flexible during this difficult time and to continue to work with Devi. Though I know she and I have been resistant to your efforts in the past, I’ve noticed a great deal of improvement in her behavior and attitude in the last few weeks, and I do believe you have played an important role in that change.

Therefore I am also writing to ask you if you would be willing to set up some sessions to speak with Devi and myself together for, as they call it, “family therapy”. We are spending significantly more time together at home now, and while our time together has been relatively peaceful so far, I know better than to assume it will continue that way.

Not to mention she spends a great deal of time alone on the computer now, talking to god-knows-who on the internet and playing violent video games, which cannot be good for her development. I would like her to at least be able to trust me enough to tell me who she is talking to, instead of snapping the computer shut in a panic every time I come into the room.

Please let me know what you think of this idea at your earliest possible convenience.

Thank you,

Nalini

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

* * *

From:  **Jamie Ryan** <jryanpsyd@gmail.com>

To: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 12:13 PM

Subject: RE: “Family Therapy”

Dear Nalini,

I’m glad to hear from you, especially on this subject. I’m also very happy with the progress Devi has made since your trip to Malibu together. I know this can’t have been easy for you to ask, given your general feelings on therapy, and you should be proud of your willingness to take this step for your daughter.

This is going to be a difficult time for everyone, but especially teenagers who are deprived of their normal social contacts and routines. Your concerns about Devi’s potential reliance on the internet are certainly valid, but she will need to have parts of her life that are still separate from you, especially when you’re spending so much more time together.

With that in mind, I’d like to continue having one-on-one sessions with Devi where she can speak a little more openly about what’s concerning her, alongside these potential family sessions. Would you be willing to consider a schedule of alternating weekly private and family sessions?

Best,

Dr. Ryan

Dr. Jamie Ryan, Youth & Family Therapist

818-555-6232

* * *

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Jamie Ryan <jryanpsyd@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 3:43 PM

Subject: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

That will work, thank you. I will speak more to Devi about this idea, and let you know what she says.

Nalini

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

* * *

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Devi Vishwakumar <deviv04@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 3:45 PM

Subject: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

I spoke to Dr. Ryan about what we discussed on Thursday. Is this alright with you?

Mom

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 4:15 PM

Subject: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Yeah, Mom, that sounds good. I’ll email Dr. Ryan in a little bit to tell her.

  
Also you don’t have to use your whole email signature when you send me a message.

* * *

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Devi Vishwakumar <deviv04@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 4:18 PM

Subject: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

I don’t know how to turn it off.

Mom

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 4:27 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

We’ll work on that after we master Zoom.

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Jamie Ryan <jryanpsyd@gmail.com>

CC: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 4:49 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Hi, Dr. Ryan,

I read what you and my mom talked about, and I think it sounds like a pretty good idea. I’m willing to try it. Are we going to start next week?

Devi

* * *

From:  **Jamie Ryan** <jryanpsyd@gmail.com>

To: Devi Vishwakumar <deviv04@gmail.com>

CC: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 5:16 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Dear Devi,

I’m glad you’re interested in your mother’s idea, and I hope this will be a productive process for both of you. Let’s start in two weeks, to give your mother time to make sure she has no conflicts or appointments during our usual timeslot.

Also, please feel free to start a new email chain next time you contact me.

See you on Tuesday.

Best,

Dr. Ryan

Dr. Jamie Ryan, Youth & Family Therapist

818-555-6232

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Jamie Ryan <jryanpsyd@gmail.com>

CC: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 5:18 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Cool, thanks, Doc!

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 10:14 PM

Subject: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Hey, Mom, I meant to say before: thanks for going through with this. I really appreciate it.

* * *

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Devi Vishwakumar <deviv04@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 10:20 PM

Subject: RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Devi, I am here to do anything you need. I love you.

Mom

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

_ Sent from my iPhone _

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 10:22 PM

Subject: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

I love you too, Mom.

* * *

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Devi Vishwakumar <deviv04@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 10:23 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Also what are you doing up so late? Would you like me to turn off the wifi for the evening?

Mom

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

_ Sent from my iPhone _

* * *

From:  **Devi Vishwakumar** <deviv04@gmail.com>

To: Nalini Vishwakumar <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 10:26 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Good night!!!!

* * *

From:  **Nalini Vishwakumar** <drnaliniv@gmail.com>

To: Devi Vishwakumar <deviv04@gmail.com>

Date: Mar 28, 2020, 10:29 PM

Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: FWD: RE: RE: “Family Therapy”

Good night, kanna.

Mom

Dr. Nalini Vishwakumar

Vishwakumar & Associates Dermatological Practice

Sherman Oaks, CA

818-555-4596

_ Sent from my iPhone _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you know what you call that?  
> growth
> 
> can't believe there's only one more chapter left...


	9. ...been in love before

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wait  
> if this is the last chapter  
> then there's no more to write!!  
> i played myself...
> 
> Big shoutout to TwoDaysTooLate for the "a robber broke in and stole all my shirts but just my shirts" idea that comes up here :)

10:11 PM Ben said:

hey

10:11 PM Devi said:

hey yourself

10:12 PM Ben said:

how did it go with Fabiola and Eleanor?

are they mad?

10:13 PM Devi said:

no, they were fairly chill

i had to tell them the whole story though

10:15 PM Ben said:

so everything’s okay with all of you?

10:15 PM Devi said:

yep so far

10:16 PM Ben said:

okay good :)

10:16 PM Devi said:

i’m really sorry i lied to you about my project

10:16 PM Ben said:

this is like the third time you’ve apologized

it’s cool

10:17 PM Devi said:

i just did it like reflexively

to get one over on you

which is not cool

10:17 PM Ben said:

i mean

it’s kind of what we do?

10:17 PM Devi said:

it’s kind of what we DID

maybe we should not so much anymore

10:18 PM Ben said:

what’s going to be our dynamic then

10:18 PM Devi said:

i dunno

i guess we’re figuring that out now

10:19 PM Devi said:

anyway

you want to do cameras on tonight?

10:19 PM Ben said:

yeah of course

10:19 PM Devi said:

give me one sec

10:24 PM Devi said:

ready

10:24 PM Ben said:

3

2

1

10:25 PM Ben said:

on

wow

10:26 PM Devi said:

what

10:26 PM Ben said:

do you dress up on purpose for these

10:27 PM Devi said:

well i definitely don’t dress down the way you do lol

so what’s your excuse this time?

robbers broke in and took all your shirts but just the shirts?

10:28 PM Ben said:

i don’t have any shirts left

10:28 PM Devi said:

because of the robbers??

10:28 PM Ben said:

no

this is embarrassing

10:28 PM Devi said:

i already like that sound of that

10:29 PM Ben said:

as you know patty’s not here

10:29 PM Devi said:

and?

10:30 PM Ben said:

and none of us know how to use the washing machine

10:30 PM Devi said:

what

10:30 PM Ben said:

we don’t know how

so all my shirts are dirty…

10:31 PM Devi said:

that is an excuse right

that is a blatantly transparent excuse

10:31 PM Ben said:

i wish

10:32 PM Devi said:

you’re being serious right now

you don’t have any shirts to wear because you don’t know how to use your own washing machine

10:33 PM Ben said:

i don’t like it anymore than you do

10:33 PM Devi said:

wrong

because i LOVE it

lolololol

10:33 PM Ben said:

hhhhh

10:34 PM Devi said:

look i’ve used a washing machine before

i bet if we take a look we can figure it out

we’re the smartest and second smartest person in the sophomore class

10:35 PM Ben said:

excuse me we’re tied

I checked on Wednesday remember?

now I’m checking again

10:38 PM Ben said:

and confirmed

also when is Mr. Shapiro going to update our grades??

10:39 PM Devi said:

focus! to the laundry room!

10:39 PM Ben said:

okay here we go

laundry room-bound

hang on

10:42 PM Devi said:

the laptop’s eyeview is a really intimate one when you’re carrying it

10:42 PM Ben said:

i feel very objectified right now

10:42 PM Devi said:

you should

I was thinking of you today actually

10:43 PM Ben said:

:)

10:43 PM Devi said:

in the shower

10:45 PM Ben said:

in the shower?

10:46 PM Ben said:

ohhhhh

10:47 PM Ben said:

oh!

haah

10:47 PM Devi said:

you’re like a beet

omfg it goes down to like your bellybutton

10:47 PM Ben said:

maybe i got sunburned today

you don’t know

10:47 PM Devi said:

in the last 30 seconds?

10:48 PM Ben said:

i’m very fair!!

10:48 PM Devi said:

hehehehe

10:49 PM Ben said:

whatever

i’ve been thinking of you too

from time to time

not a weird amount

10:49 PM Devi said:

you know you said that last time

suspicious consistency

sounds like code for “a weird amount”

oh my god you’re like the color of ronald mcdonald’s wig

10:51 PM Ben said:

this is my life now

just a walking brick

10:51 PM Devi said:

but you’re my brick :)

10:51 PM Ben said:

:)

10:52 PM Devi said:

<3

10:52 PM Ben said:

<3

10:58 PM Ben said:

okay we’re in the laundry room

10:58 PM Devi said:

that took FOREVER

10:59 PM Ben said:

yeah i had to stop and answer your messages every other second

10:59 PM Devi said:

heheh

show me the machine

11:00 PM Ben said:

there it is

11:00 PM Devi said:

wow that doesn’t even look like a washing machine

i take back what i said before

11:01 PM Devi said:

where’s the buttons

11:02 PM Ben said:

it’s a touchscreen

11:02 PM Devi said:

why

11:02 PM Ben said:

i don’t know man

it was expensive

11:03 PM Devi said:

okay if it’s a touchscreen let’s try touching it?

11:03 PM Ben said:

okay

11:04 PM Ben said:

it beeped

11:05 PM Devi said:

put your clothes in

11:05 PM Ben said:

the screen says normal wash

11:05 PM Devi said:

promising

11:06 PM Ben said:

i’ve seen Patty do this part

11:07 PM Ben said:

i’m putting the soap in

11:07 PM Devi said:

look at you go

11:09 PM Ben said:

how do i start it

11:09 Devi said:

uhhhh

11:09 Ben said:

oh god

11:10 PM Ben said:

the pressure is so high

this is worse than the practice SAT

11:11 PM Ben said:

wait

I think I see how

11:11 PM Devi said:

go go go

11:12 PM Ben said:

it’s doing it!

do you hear it

it’s running

11:12 PM Devi said:

i hear it

11:13 PM Devi said:

now bear me back to your room

11:13 PM Ben said:

as you wish

11:14 PM Devi said:

hey that gives me an idea

have you seen the princess bride

11:14 PM Ben said:

no

my dad is friends with Wallace Shawn though

11:15 PM Devi said:

who is that even supposed to impress

11:15 PM Ben said:

i think it’s cool

11:15 PM Devi said:

but you haven’t seen the movie?

11:16 PM Ben said:

no

11:16 PM Devi said:

it’s a lot shorter than Titanic…

11:16 PM Ben said:

SOLD

[...]

12:14 AM Dread Pirate said:

you’re obviously the princess

12:14 AM Princess Buttercup said:

in what way??

12:15 AM Dread Pirate said:

1.you live in a castle

12:15 AM Princess Buttercup said:

excuse me it’s a modernist villa

12:15 AM Dread Pirate said:

what

ever

2.you can’t make food for yourself

12:16 AM Princess Buttercup said:

that’s not fair

in my defense no one ever asked me to feed myself before now

12:17 AM Dread Pirate said:

3.you don’t know how to clean your own clothes

12:17 AM Princess Buttercup said:

i literally came out here to make sure you had a good time and i’m being personally attacked

12:18 AM Dread Pirate said:

yeah that’s why i’m having such a good time

12:18 AM Princess Buttercup said:

okay but you are not westley

remember how I rescued YOU??

12:19 AM Princess Buttercup said:

from, like, your own stubbornness??

12:19 AM Dread Pirate said:

um if i’ve never rescued you

then how did you get that laundry machine started

12:20 AM Princess Buttercup said:

i figured that out by myself

with your support

12:21 AM Dread Pirate said:

without me you’d still be calling all pasta spaghetti

12:21 AM Princess Buttercup said:

pasta and spaghetti are functionally interchangeable words in America!!!!

12:22 AM Dread Pirate said:

they are not interchangeable things!!!!!

[ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti ](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spaghetti)

spaghetti is a specific thing!!

12:22 AM Princess Buttercup said:

even that page mentions different kinds of spaghetti though!

spaghetti can be several different things!

12:23 AM Dread Pirate said:

but not tortellini!

12:23 AM Princess Buttercup said:

i’m not done reading the page yet

so i don’t have to believe you

12:24 AM Princess Buttercup said:

tag yourself: spaghettoni, spaghettini, or capellini?

12:24 AM Dread Pirate said:

spaghettoni

12:24 AM Princess Buttercup said:

spaghettini

12:25 AM Dread Pirate said:

damn now i’m hungry

12:25 AM Princess Buttercup said:

snack break?

12:26 AM Dread Pirate said:

it’s too dangerous

my mom can hear the chips crinkling in her sleep

12:26 AM Princess Buttercup said:

your mom is the most powerful being i’ve ever known

12:27 AM Dread Pirate said:

don’t remind me

maybe someday we’ll do this in person and i can enjoy some of that signature Ben Gross buttered spaghetti tortellini with garlic salt

12:28 AM Princess Buttercup said:

AND an orange

don’t forget the orange

the acid cuts the fat and the umami

12:28 AM Dread Pirate said:

the richness of your vision

12:29 AM Princess Buttercup said:

catch me premiering my Netflix cooking show next season: Dried, Packaged, Canned, Delivery

12:29 AM Dread Pirate said:

lol

[...]

1:11 AM Dread Pirate said:

That ending hits a little different now

1:11 AM Princess Buttercup said:

why?

1:12 AM Dread Pirate said:

well

you may not know this

but i actually had kind of a romantic escapade not too long ago

1:13 AM Princess Buttercup said:

whaaaat

i heard you were an unfuckable nerd

1:13 AM Dread Pirate said:

literally fuck off right now

i’m trying to have a moment

1:14 AM Princess Buttercup said:

sorry sorry too soon

1:14 AM Dread Pirate said:

anyway

1:14 AM Princess Buttercup said:

anyway

tell me more about this romantic escapade

1:15 AM Dread Pirate said:

it was

you know

a whole thing

1:16 AM Princess Buttercup said:

and…??

1:17 AM Dread Pirate said:

and maybe it wasn’t THE most romantic kiss of all time

1:18 AM Princess Buttercup said:

you’re killing me here

1:18 AM Dread Pirate said:

but it was in the top five

1:19 AM Princess Buttercup said:

kind of jealous of whoever it was with tbh

thinking about finding out their identity and beating them up

1:19 AM Dread Pirate said:

you’re not going to believe this

but that guy

1:20 AM Dread Pirate said:

was you

1:20 AM Princess Buttercup said:

oh shit 

this changes everything

1:21 AM Dread Pirate said:

it leaves you with a lot to think about

1:21 AM Princess Buttercup said:

that’s actually a good segue

because i have been thinking a lot

1:22 AM Princess Buttercup said:

but it’s going to take a little explanation

so bear with me here for a second

1:22 AM Dread Pirate said:

okay but i’m going to be nervous the whole time

1:23 AM Princess Buttercup said:

where are you with the AP English Lit reading list?

1:23 AM Dread Pirate said: 

really? that’s where that was going?

1:24 AM Princess Buttercup said:

just answer!

1:24 AM Dread Pirate said:

Catch-22

it’s 

a lot?

1:25 AM Princess Buttercup said:

hmmmm not excited for it

but so that means you started with the As

1:25 AM Dread Pirate said:

yes?

that’s the letter you start with

in an alphabetical list?

1:26 AM Princess Buttercup said:

i started from reverse alphabetical order and I just finished the Ms

and I was reading Middlemarch

sorry this is going to be spoilers

1:26 AM Dread Pirate said:

for a two hundred year old book

that literally no one else would ever read

1:27 AM Princess Buttercup said:

it’s spoilers

at the end of Middlemarch she says

1:28 AM Princess Buttercup said:

“...for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”

and it’s about how good and meaningful the main character’s life was, even though she didn’t achieve everything she wanted to

and a lot of things got in her way and held her back

1:30 AM Princess Buttercup said:

but she did her best and she spent her time with the people she loved

i’ve been thinking about that a lot right now

because i feel really small right now, all the time

1:31 AM Princess Buttercup said:

but not when i’m with you

1:33 AM Princess Buttercup said:

does that make sense?

1:34 AM Dread Pirate said:

wow

Ben that’s actually a really beautiful thought

1:34 AM Princess Buttercup said:

well George Eliot said it first

1:35 AM Princess Buttercup said:

wait don’t cry

1:35 AM Dread Pirate said:

it’s okay it’s okay

1:36 AM Dread Pirate said:

it just reminds me of my dad

1:36 AM Princess Buttercup said:

oh

i’m sorry for bringing that up

you must miss him so much

1:36 AM Dread Pirate said:

no

i mean yes i miss him a lot

but no you don’t have to be sorry

it would be nice to have him here now

he could make anything fun or exciting or not so hard

1:37 AM Princess Buttercup said:

for what it’s worth i think he’d be proud of you and how you’re doing

1:37 AM Dread Pirate said:

thanks

it is worth a lot, don’t worry

1:38 AM Dread Pirate said:

it’s an honor to be recognized by a princess after all

1:39 AM Princess Buttercup said:

yeah kind of wish i’d asked you to change our names back before i said all that

1:40 AM Dread Pirate said:

here

1:40 AM Ben said:

thanks :)

1:41 AM Devi said:

so you liked the movie right

1:41 AM Ben said:

yeah that was fun

AND shorter than titanic

1:42 AM Devi said:

yeah

now we can go to bed on time

1:42 AM Ben said:

yeah

1:43 AM Devi said:

except i was thinking about how much i wanted to watch

uh

1:44 AM Ben said:

uh

i’m thinking

1:44 AM Devi said:

not Rick & Morty

1:44 AM Ben said:

i was going to say Riverdale

1:45 AM Devi said:

okay i’m interested

which episode

and it better be a stupid one

1:46 AM Ben said:

as if there were episodes that aren’t stupid

dare i suggest

heathers musical episode

1:47 AM Devi said:

you may dare lol

1:47 AM Ben said:

excellent

1:47 AM Devi said:

netflix here we come

[...]

2:29 AM Beanie said:

that song kind of hits different now too

i wish we could like

go bowling

or camping

2:29 AM Dark Devi said:

you do not

you would die if you went camping

2:30 AM Beanie said:

i have been camping before actually

2:30 AM Dark Devi said:

camping or glamping??

2:31 AM Beanie said:

what determines the difference

2:31 AM Dark Devi said:

the amount of bugs and rainwater in your sleeping accommodations

2:31 AM Beanie said:

okay i’ve never been camping

the rain gets inside your tent?

i thought the tent was specifically for keeping the rain away

2:32 AM Dark Devi said:

yeah that’s the reason i’ve only been camping once

2:32 AM Beanie said:

how about bowling though

2:32 AM Dark Devi said:

only if we’re doing it ironically

and acknowledging how lame it is the whole time

2:32 AM Beanie said:

obviously

2:33 AM Dark Devi said:

alright i’m in

first thing we’ll do when we can go out again

2:33 AM Beanie said:

top of my list

2:34 AM Dark Devi said:

wait this is also the episode where they burn down jughead’s mom’s drug lab and then make out in the car in the light of the flames???

2:34 AM Beanie said:

duh

2:34 AM Dark Devi said:

how could i forget...

2:40 AM Dark Devi said:

incredible

2:40 AM Beanie said:

it’s like so much to absorb at the end of every episode

it deserves a roundtable of panelists breaking it down scene by scene

speaking of which

2:41 AM Beanie said:

do you think your mom’s asleep by now?

maybe you want to talk with mics on?

2:41 AM Dark Devi said:

i think we can risk it

[...]

3:17 AM Ben said:

shit 

shit 

shit

is she gone

3:17 AM Devi said:

yes

i think she bought it

she didn’t see my screen so she didn’t see you

3:18 AM Ben said:

that could have been

THE END OF OUR LIVES

3:18 AM Devi said:

the end of MY life

you’re safe at home

3:18 AM Ben said:

she would have come for me next

my life flashed before my eyes

3:19 AM Ben said:

it wasn’t long enough

and so much of it was studying

3:19 AM Devi said:

you love studying

3:19 AM Ben said:

yeah okay fine i do

but imagine if she realized

3:20 AM Devi said:

but she didn’t

she thinks i was just conjugating french verbs because i couldn’t sleep

3:20 AM Ben said:

you don’t even take french!

she’s going to figure it out eventually

3:20 AM Devi said:

no...never...

3:21 AM Ben said:

we should probably go to sleep

it’s almost as late as last week

somehow

3:21 AM Devi said:

somehow

before that though

i know if there’s one thing we’ve learned from Mr. Shapiro it’s that no time in history was happy

and now is an especially awful time

3:22 AM Ben said:

yeah

3:22 AM Devi said:

but i’d still rather be here now with you than anywhere else

3:23 AM Ben said:

that makes me really happy

3:23 AM Devi said:

okay good night

3:23 AM Ben said:

good night

love you

3:24 AM Ben said:

r wording of that sentiment

hit enter too soon

hahahaha

3:25 AM Ben said:

rip me

3:25 AM Devi said:

do me a favor, Ben

go take a cold shower or something after this, okay?

3:25 AM Ben said:

will do

see you in like five hours

3:26 AM Devi said:

love your insightful quotations of classic literature too

3:26 AM Ben said:

<3

3:26 AM Devi said:

<3

3:30 AM Devi said:

wait

3:30 AM Ben said:

what?

3:30 AM Devi said:

what are we going to watch next week?

3:31 AM Ben said:

oh i’ve been making a Letterboxd list of ideas

[ https://letterboxd.com/areolagrande04/list/dev-watch/ ](https://letterboxd.com/areolagrande04/list/dev-watch/)

3:33 AM Devi said:

hey these are pretty good

3:33 AM Ben said:

i know

3:34 AM Devi said:

not space jam though

i will not watch space jam

3:34 AM Ben said:

IT”S SO GOOD THOUGH

3:35 AM Devi said:

no.

3:35 AM Ben said:

:’(

3:36 AM Devi said:

okay maybe when we’ve watched everything else on the list

3:36 AM Ben said:

:D

3:36 AM Devi said:

but only then!

and not next week

3:37 AM Ben said:

okay well think about what you want to watch then

because right now i’m feeling space jam…

3:37 AM Devi said:

i’ll think about it

but it’s NOT SPACE JAM

3:37 AM Ben said:

look

all i can say is

3:38 AM Devi said:

whatever it is don’t

3:38 AM Ben said:

come on and slam

3:39 AM Devi said:

no

3:39 AM Ben said:

and

3:40 AM Devi said:

no!

3:40 AM Ben said:

welcome to the jam!!!

3:40 AM Devi said:

BYE

[meeting terminated]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all this to say
> 
> I'm glad to be here now with you :)
> 
> Thank you so much to everybody who read and liked and commented! Working on this story has been so much fun, and the community on here is really great. This whole process has been a major bright spot in these unprecedented, uncertain, and pivotal times.


End file.
